I found a pretty solid “how to do vanilla romance.” I modified it every so slightly– and it worked for polyamorous relationships, too! So this is also my Polyamorous Manifesto. This guideline includes no reference to anything kinky; no swinging, spanking, anal sex– “But none of that is kinky!” you interrupt. To which I politely respond, “Maybe, but I am just being extra cautious to not introduce even the tiniest sprinkling of kinkiness, just bear with me, please.”
Ahem. Without further ado,
The Kitty Presents:
My Vanilla Manifesto, or How To Not Be A Jerk
(modified from the original by @JessOnTheRocks, thanks for letting me use this!)
So what I do know is that good
poly, woke poly, relationships requires a few things.
- You have to be ethical
ly non monogamous. First and foremost. No “ask forgiveness instead of permission” people. If you’re [an]adult enough to have multiple partners, you’re adult enough to have the difficult conversations.
- And because of that, I prefer dating/seeing/playing with people who
already have other partners.[aren’t lone sociopaths/potential serial killers who have no other people in their lives of any significance.] Or who are currently single but on the same page.Those kind of people are better for me.
- If you already have [a best friend/siblings/children/insert other valid and important person in your life that maybe you aren’t dating but you make feel special and loved]
a partner, especially if you normally date more than one person,you know what commitment is.
- You know about life [because you’re a parent/the person that manages all your family events/the friend that arranges every bachelorette party] and how it can affect your relationships at a moment’s notice.
- You know what scheduling means, and conflicts [because you’re a parent/the person that manages all your family events/the friend that arranges every bachelorette party].
- [You] recognize you have a life too and respect your limitations.
- [You] aren’t relying on [me] to be [your] everything.
- [You] look at all the other relationships as additions, not competitions,
Metamours[People you care about] can become [my] friends and family.
- I don’t need all your time, I want some of it, and I recognize the importance of respecting
your other partners[that you might have something, or someone(s), in your life that is as important, or more important, than me].
- People who are committed to practicing
polyamory ethically[healthy relationships] don’t bother with lies and secrets. They are adults who have learned the value of communication.
- They do not seek to destroy that which exists, they hope to add to your life.
The latter is added by yours truly!
- I want relationships that respect my autonomy. Allow me the freedom to explore, and don’t make me feel bad for wanting to.
P.S. I am assuming the woman would have included the last, if she had thought of it, but I wanted to add that for myself. Still, I don’t think it conflicts with any of the above standards.
P.PS. Am I absolutely crazy for thinking this way?