may your new year bring new joy

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Welcome to the new year.

While ringing in the new year surrounded by loved ones, I tossed a note into a fire pit. On this piece of paper, I had written my hopes for my family, chosen and blood. I held hands in a circle with those who cared deeply about me, or at the very least could stand my presence at a social gathering. At one point I balanced a homebaked cookie on my half full- not half empty- wine glass in order to free a hand with which to throw a magical stick into the flames. Life is fairly indulgent when you can do this (and not drop your cookie in the dirt).

I’ve had- I can safely say- a roller coaster year. Yet everyone you ask will tell you that I have had a good year. It’s true. My family has also had a good year. Few good things in life come without a struggle and a price. But what does that matter? The holidays came before I was ready– but my family celebrated and we had every reason to celebrate.

This year is going to be my year. Or maybe next year. But soon.

Let me tell you a trick that ameliorated my worst anxieties. I’d recite a list of good things in my life every night as I fell asleep. I didn’t skip nights. Additionally, I taught myself meditations, yoga, and breathing exercises.

My internal demons are alive and well, but they are fortunately trickster types. None of them are malicious. I don’t begrudge them. In fact, I’m learning to enjoy their antics. They are, after all, a part of me. I’ve decided to love me. All of me. Self-improvement will always be my goal, but I am not going to worry about the fact that I have unpleasant quirks. I am merely going to handle them better than before.

I am not sure if everything will happen as quickly as I hope. It may take another year, even another two years. For the important wishes in my life to wholly come true. But something tells me that good things- very good things- will realize themselves this year.

Please, please let me be intuitive and not crazy.

Guardian angel, please don’t disappoint me. Oh, it’s not your fault, but please let me be right. You’ve done so much for me, but I need a little more from you. Or at least I desperately want it.

I may be overly optimistic. But the last five years have been so tiring. At the very least I think this will be a year that allows for rest and rejuvenation. For everyone I care about. That alone is incredible. I have so many plans, and for the first time I feel confident about executing said plans.

Who knows what further adventures await?!? All I know is that I will share them with you, my friends.

May your new year bring happiness, warmth, love, and safety.

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