when I say I’m a “good” submissive

Lying in bed in the middle of the afternoon,

while watching a documentary on kittens,

and I think to myself, “I feel quite submissive today.”

I made my master coffee (and thought about making omelets, but the pan was dirty, not my fault!). I even GOT DRESSED and helped shovel snow, like a good kitten. He kept telling me, “You’re doing fine,” and I’m like, “But I want to do a GOOD job!” But, to be honest, it isn’t easy to maintain my perfectionist attitude when my hands are freezing off. Still, good submissive today.

But sometimes people get upset when you say you are a bad submissive (“Why are you tearing yourself down?”) or even if you say you are good (“Don’t compare yourself to other submissives.”). But that’s not what I, or we, mean by it.

I do this thing in my head where I replace labels with the label I use that means what they are actually saying.

Like, someone says, “I’m polyamorous.” Okay, but there’s a million things that could mean. So I keep listening and realize what they practice is what I call “monogamish.” So in my head I work with that and converse with them on what THEY are saying, rather than impose my own definition of “polyamory” on them and the conversation. I use the word that means what THEY mean.

So when I hear “bad submissive,” I find I usually replace that with “bratty submissive.” That’s the sort that I hear call themselves this. I know they don’t really mean “bad,” as in worthless (or, if they are, it’s explicitly stated and often accompanied by requests for reassurance). They aren’t necessarily devaluing their submission. They likely don’t mean “bad,” like YOU might mean “bad.” It may just be their playful way of categorizing their particular flavor of submission AT THAT POINT IN TIME.

And when I say I’m a “good” submissive, I’m not saying I’m better than others.

I’m not saying that my value today went up, in comparison to my personal value other days. I just feel really, really good about how I go about my submission. Very “pure,” even, my purest self. In which I am totally submissive (because I’m not a brat, so my version of “good submission,” is to be very obedient and do everything I’m supposed to do.). Yes, I am always a “good” submissive, because I am a good person. But that probably isn’t what I’m talking about, right then.

It’s okay. We’re okay. Please let us play our games, without worrying. (Although, please, please, if you are our close friends, ask us how we are, even if we seem totally okay. Sometimes we need that, too!). But strangers and acquaintances?

Trust us that we know what we’re doing. We’re okay 🙂

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