it isn’t up to her, OR waking up to a bright new day

I’ve been reflecting on this sentiment, what with the election and all, and our dear, Glorious Leader declaring himself the winner, because, well, of course he is. It’s an odd thing, having a narcissist in your life and living with a narcissistic President in your White House. Taught me quite a bit about life and human nature. And one thing I’ve learned,

It’s not up to him.

So said the man who will likely be my next President said to the American people. It’s not up to either of them, him, or his predecessor, to declare their preferred reality. It’s up to the American people and the votes and the courts and…you, see…this is a bit personal for me, because of my own narcissist. And it’s the same with her and what she wants, not only for herself but for me and my family.

It’s not up to her, anymore.

I have to remind myself of that on a daily basis. Every time she pulls something new. It’s not up to her anymore. The kids say things here and there: “Mom says [oldest] can’t have in person activities unless she also does in person learning at school.”  (It’s not up to her) “Mom says if [oldest] doesn’t go to school in person, it doesn’t count and she doesn’t get celebrated for any educational achievements, like doing really well on a test.”  (It’s not up to her) Mom says, Mom says…”  (It’s not up to her)

I’m so used to everyone doing what she says that I struggle to even acknowledge that this is the new reality. But it is. She’ll say something– and it doesn’t happen. She’ll tell the kids, “This is what it’s going to be.” She’ll make announcements over dinner. Issued like commands from an officer. But then it doesn’t happen. Whatever she says is going to happen, doesn’t. And slowly, all of us around her are starting to understand this.

It’s not up to her.

When a narcissist can no longer control you, (s)he tries to control how others think about you. I think about this saying quite often. When they lose control, it’s difficult, even confusing for them. So they grasp for whatever they can. It doesn’t always (usually?) work, but still they try. So they’ll keep trying to convince you that life is whatever it is they say. Except…life doesn’t work that way.

You can’t just say, “This is how life is” and that somehow becomes the truth. You can’t say, “I’m the President” and, miraculously you are the President. And you can’t tell your children “This new man is now your father” and he suddenly becomes your new dad and your old dad conveniently fades into the background.

It’s not up to her.

Like a mantra, I tell myself this. Every time another one of these…incidents…pops up. This isn’t her home, this isn’t her house rules. And she no longer gets absolute authority over what happens when it comes to the children. It’s different now. Whatever happens, it will always be different. I wonder if our dear President is realizing this. He’ll be different, as he’s always wanted. It’s not often a sitting President is ousted.

It’s not up to them.

You don’t know what the relief is like, if you haven’t felt it, but, America, I think you’re feeling it now? To know that those who make demands are not instantly obeyed? That they are challenged. That they are told no, or more than likely, simply ignored. It isn’t easy for the narcissist to be ignored. It’s worse for them, I imagine, than being told, “No.”

No, Mr. President and family. No, evil psycho ex. Things are not going back to how they used to be. We’re moving forward. You can accept that, or not, but it doesn’t matter. We’ll move forward with or without you.

Whatever happens now, America. Whatever happens now, I tell myself, with your own personal demons and battles. Life has changed.

Because it’s no longer about them. It’s about us.

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