metamour is essentially the poly equivalent of an in-law: a brief(ish) analysis, a

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So I hear today is National Metamour Day? What is a metamour, you ask? Well, actually it’s pretty simple:

A metamour is like an in-law.

It’s a fake relationship, in a sense. It’s a relationship only by virtue of being with the person with whom you’re actually in a relationship. Like an in-law, you’re “supposed” to be in a relationship with them, by which I mean you’re expected to get along, or talk, or, well, something. I mean, you could decide NOT to do any of this; and essentially shut out your mother-in-law or meta– but someone will judge you for it. Could be your partner (“Can you just TRY to get along for my sake?”)

Hopefully you like your in-law or metamour, because even if you choose to do nothing with them, they will exist on the edge of your life. Sometimes directly in it. This depends on the closeness of the relationship between that person and your partner. Are they married? Do they live together? Or are they in another state, or, you know, another country?

If they ARE very close, and the in-law/meta dislikes you, good luck with the relationship. It’s possible, of course, to date a person whose [siblings/mother/father/spouse/girlfriend/ boyfriend/dating partner/[insert other title] hates you. It’s also possible to date someone but hate their [siblings/mother/father/spouse/girlfriend/ boyfriend/dating partner/[insert other title].

But be careful. Please don’t fool yourself, it will NOT be easy! If you are the one with the problem, you’ll be putting yourself potentially constantly around a person you can’t stand. How many other people in your life that you strongly disliked did you just…stay around? You probably have a couple people like that, that you can’t get away from. Feel like adding one more?

And if they hate you? At the very least, it will be exponentially more difficult than if they liked you, or even were simply indifferent. Plus, do you really want to be with someone whose family or romantic partner is actively rude to you? Yeah, that happens.

But, in the best of cases, they are like my in-laws (well technically not, since I’m not married, but I still refer to mine as such). They adore you, they think you are wonderful for your partner. At times, they even like you BETTER than your partner. Yes, it happens (mine has taken my side against her offspring more than once). Plus they might actually end up being a perk of dating your partner! A new friend, a supportive ear during hard times. Maybe they even become some of the closest, best friends in your life…an all too rare gift to be treasured.

I am ever so grateful for mine. I hope you feel the same about yours!

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