Ah, orgasms, the at times elusive, but I believe always desired, goal of our most intimate, combining BOTH mental and physical intimacy, experiences!
Orgasms are the finish line. The measure of success. How many can you give your woman in a “single” session (depending on how you define a single session)?
It’s funny, because I’m told I’m rather like a man in how I orgasm. Build up to a major climax, than turn over and immediately fall asleep. Master has learned that sometimes he has to wait to get his (but I also sometimes give him what he needs without asking for anything).
Now, there’s plenty I could say on the matter. I could write a book (and I think someone already has). But there is one point of…contention? Confusion? At any rate, it’s something I’d like to address.
There is a difference between “coming” and “orgasming.”
Now, I don’t want to get caught up in technicalities or semantics. Yes, technically those words are the same thing. I don’t know the right words, though, or if we even have them.
What I mean, is there is a difference between the physical reaction of “coming,” i.e. ejaculating or squirting, and “orgasming,” as in the mind and body flushed with all the happy chemicals to the point of feeling, well, mind blown.
“Coming” is actually a rather methodical process. If you hit the right button, a woman will gush. I knew someone who had this party trick; he could put a finger just the right way and get an instant reaction that anyone around him could see. I allowed him to try it on me, and, yep, worked like a charm. But my mind felt nothing more than if he had tapped me on the shoulder.
“Orgasming,” on the other hand, is a rather trickier thing. It’s not a simple
(Swap these words as you personally like, I don’t really care, but for clarity’s sake, I will use them consistently in this writing and others).
button click. It’s a connection between two humans. Yes, it’s typically easier for the male body to come and orgasm at the same time (at least in my experience), but please don’t think every male body is the same! Some may well need extra effort to come and orgasm.
As I possess a female body, however, I will speak more on the female orgasm.
It starts with “gentle” working up. By which I don’t necessarily mean physically delicate. But I’ve yet to meet a woman (or non binary female person) who orgasms when you just shove a finger into her and jam it around. Maybe she likes that, maybe she doesn’t. But you’ve almost certainly got to work your way up to the moment of ecstasy!
And some (most? do we have statistics on this?) women like to come multiple times. Some women will come only once and be satisfied. Some will display their orgasm as a banner of pride, heard from miles away. Others will be more subtle.
You can always tell if a woman squirts, but you cannot -always- tell if she has orgasmed.
Orgasming is as much a mental thing (although not JUST a mental thing!) as a physical one. Trust her when she says she has come and feels good. Others, well, they will be pretty obvious about it. But only she knows how and if she has come “properly.” That is, by the way, merely how I refer to it. You may choose other ways. “Coming properly” means that, yes, I have forcefully expelled fluids, but also my mind has shot beyond it’s typical confines and burst with chemicals. It is one that leaves my body in an overheated heap with me mumbling something about philosophy or kittens or whatever. After I’ve violently contorted myself and my whole body has tensed up and relaxed.
Your mileage may vary, of course.
I hope this provides a bit of clarity and a helpful (if short!) guide. My girlfriends suggested I write about this, because they have all too often met someone who didn’t understand this and the sex was left rather…disappointing.
Anyway, the point is please don’t be fooled into thinking an orgasm is as simple as expelling fluids onto various body parts and bed room accoutrements. Please know that there is a difference. And, please, for God’s sake, talk to your partner and make sure that they are ORGASMING! I mean, seriously, what’s the point of sex otherwise?
Orgasms are not always the goal with female partners! This doesn’t mean they don’t ever want them, but sometimes, let them get fucked and used and abused, without the pressure of having to orgasm every time. Let the orgasm be about them, not you!
3 thoughts on “orgasms! a simple guide”
I like this very much, though I have to say for me personally, orgasm is not the finish line, or the goal. I love giving babygrrl all the orgasms she deserves, and more, but for me? The closeness and connection is truly more for me than the orgasm! Your point about the difference between orgasm and coming is really good! My male body is good for one shot at coming, then I’m done for a while…orgasm on the other hand is something I can have over and over. Don’t let anyone tell you that persons with male bodies can’t have multiple orgasms!
Oh, my, no! Orgasm absolutely does not have to be the goal, at least not for everyone, all the time. However, when orgasm IS your goal, it’s important to note the distinction!
And thanks for noting that point that male bodies -can- orgasm again and again!