three shall be the number of thy counting

I used to think the world was designed for two people.

Life is best when it’s two. So quoth the single and the attached. Marriage for two remains the goal, with its accompaniment of benefits and tax breaks. Restaurant specials are offered to Couples. The day to day conveniences of being in a Couple are supposedly all around us.

Yet when I put my mind to it, my grasp on this reality unraveled like a a ball of string captured by a kitten. I’m not convinced the world is meant for just two people, anymore.

I’m not disregarding the perfectly valid choice to stay Single.

I actually have several pieces on the joys of Singlehood. Said it before, will say it again. Some days I miss being Single. Why would I judge you for wanting something I find to be good? Not to mention there are explicit benefits– did you know that marital benefits actually only apply when one spouse makes significantly more than the other? If both make the same, the benefit goes down.

And not to mention circumstantial situations. For myself, it’s actually been better, legally, to remain my own person. It’s almost hilarious how I’ve learned to play the system. Don’t assume marriage will give you legal and financial benefits, please! Do the research!

Nonetheless, regardless of Singlehood benefits, this line of thinking neglects an important point. Life might be easier without someone dragging you down, BUT it’s still fucking difficult to do everything on your own!

Humans, like it or not, are social creatures.

One may not desire another person in their life, on a regular basis. One may certainly not want any romantic entanglements. I perfectly understand that (it’s not me, but I can understand wanting something like this). But I believe very few are truly meant to be alone.

What you don’t see, when someone says, “I love being alone,” is what happens afterwards. When they confide to strangers or deepest friends that it’s rough. That tonight, they would like someone to hold them and say, “I care about you.” How desperately so many desire companionship, though their face tells a different story.

But, no matter what, whether one chooses to be Single or in a Couple, the common thread is this: Two is the goal, the end of the line. Whether it’s seen as detestable or desirable. Two is the measure of success. There’s nothing more than two. Right?

But I’m not so sure two is enough, anymore. Not in today’s world.

I’m gonna postulate something: Life is easier, not when it’s two, but when it’s THREE.

….or, frankly, more than three. I swear, my life would be perfect if I had four other partners. How else am I supposed to run a D&D campaign or a WoW dungeon?

But, at least three. I’m not greedy, I’ll settle for three. Sometimes I want to try a new dish…and if you order two meals, it really feeds three. And some dishes are simply wasted by not eating them right then and there.

Or maybe I want to snuggle and watch a movie– but my one partner is working. Or doesn’t care for that movie. Better chance of one partner being free, or into it, if you have two.

Or maybe I want to understand something. Any partner I have will be knowledgeable. I can always go to a friend, too. But also, sometimes it’s nice to have someone right there for an impromptu philosophical debate.

Or someone needs to drive a munchkin somewhere- but I also want a partner to cook dinner with me. Sometimes I don’t want to choose.

They say one person cannot fulfill all your needs, but what about two other people?

Sure, one person can’t fulfill all your needs. We all know that. But what about two? From my observations of other relationships, you can get quite a lot from two! Maybe not 100%, but, hey, a girl’s gotta take care of herself, too! (Or guy or whomever)

And with three (or more) incomes? The biggest expenses in life are rent and food. Share that, and any additional income is basically play money. (Okay, and children are an expense, but trust me, the benefits of having at least three reliable parents are still incredible!)

Or…well, quite honestly, the possibilities are endless! I am not there yet. But I do know others who have achieved this for themselves, and I am truly happy for them. I seek it for myself. God, I crave such a beautiful existence! Two loves of my life, by my side, every day. Or, dare I dream, three….?

I ask you: what would be easier about your life if you had an extra person around that you could COUNT on to be there for you?

(Bonus points if you recognize the quote in the post’s title!)

4 thoughts on “three shall be the number of thy counting”

  1. You manage to articulate thoughts in my mind that not even I’m able to quite fully comprehend. Thank you for that!

    “ Life might be easier without someone dragging you down, BUT it’s still fucking difficult to do everything on your own!” — this is so, so true! No matter what anyone says, life is hard, and it’s even harder in your own.

    In answer to the question, I think that having the emotional support of someone I trust and respect would help guide me through the darkness that wee bit easier. I will always stumble in my pursuit of the light, but having that extra person(s) at my side just makes it a helluva lot easier. 🙂

  2. Holy hand grenades Monty Python! I haven’t a clue where that quote could be from….

    A saying from the book The Polyamory Toolkit by Dan and Dawn Williams sums it up for me. “Poly is “and”, not “or”…

    I’ll never dispute the rightness of relationship styles. For some, singlehood or monogamy are just the ticket. They’re just not for me and babygrrrl.

    Our life is easier, more fulfilling just with her boyfriend, (I’m currently not romantically partnered except one LDR). The support and fulfillment she received from him make her a more joyful, available partner to me.

    While we plan to marry in just a few months now, because it is meaningful for us, it won’t affect his standing or status. We don’t practice or believe in hierarchy except for focusing on the health of our relationship as nesting partners because the health of our relationship is critical to having healthy relationships with others.

    Our “ideal” is not a third, but rather a couple with whom we could build a communal relationship practically, romantically, socially, sexually….nesting couples. That doesn’t mean we are going to pass on other partnerships in the meantime. I love your thought of Poly satisfaction as opposed to Poly saturation.

    An interesting note regarding the “advantages” for couples. I’ll be 66 this month, well into Senior Citizen status, so I’ve done more than a bit of research for planning our future. It is becoming a surprisingly large teen for Senior couples, as they advance in age, to get divorced…purely for financial reasons! They stay together as couples but find the system is oriented more to care and assistance of single-widowed-divorced Seniors than couples!!!

    1. Careful in disregarding one’s practice of hierarchy (like privilege, not only white privilege but others, it exists whether you acknowledge it or not, but denying it makes it harder to work against it!). However, I love your thoughts on this. And, yes, even with “just” a boyfriend in the equation, I’m sure it’s brought so much to your life. Just like having a solid best friend adds to your life.

      Unfortunately, in this day and age, if it’s not romance, many, many people hold themselves back. So, yeah, a boyfriend DOES add something different than a friend. But theoretically, a new friend could add just as much value to one’s life!

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