today i found my dart set

I went in search of my dart set today.

My fellow teachers and I would play darts most nights, after we finished teaching and ate dinner. We’d meet up in Kyungsungdae (one of the college areas) where there were lots of restaurants and bars. One of my (our) friends owned a bar that we liked to go to all the time.

I wasn’t very good. But I played well enough that if the two better players fought it out, I could stay unnoticed until the end– and then catch them off guard with a few well aimed throws and end up on top (hehe). By the time they focused on me, it was too late.

I sang karaoke the other day with some friends.

A little while back, I sang karaoke with some friends. During the evening, I slipped round the back of the bar and found a couple of guys playing darts. They invited me to play with them. I had lost a lot of my acquired skills, but I realized I was better than when I’d first gotten to Korea.

So I looked for my darts. And I found them. It wasn’t just nice finding something I’d enjoyed. It was proof that I’d lived and worked in Korea.

I’ve been told that my life isn’t real before.

That the children don’t really love me, or even like me. That they are scared of me. I ask them, and they laugh at the idea– but then they leave to the other house. And I’m told again that it was all fake. A lie.

My last ex told me when she makes a commitment that it’s for life. That I was hers forever. But then she told everyone else that I was the only one who had been into the relationship. That I’d pushed her to be with me. I question myself, my own past. Did it happen the way I thought it happened? Did I make it all up?

I’m not the greatest at memories. I forget things. I don’t save a lot of pictures, though I’m sure I must have taken them. Sometimes it feels like a dream.

But then I find my dart set– a memento of my past– and I know this piece of my life was real.

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