what -exactly- are you waiting for, dear?

Gatto alla finestra By chiarafornasari

I understand hesitancy in romance.

I’m that way myself (now, hold on, friends who are raising their eyebrows, let me explain!). Yes, I might jump in bed rather quickly or strip first at a party. …but hold on for a moment.

When I first met my master, I thought about waiting to open myself up to him. He wasn’t right for me; I had strong feelings about his choice of other partners; I was a total mess and surely I wasn’t ready for someone to -see- me. Besides, I had all the time in the world, right? So I kept being told.

I wanted to come out guns blazing (or something like that, not a huge gun fan, sorry!)

I needed to be better first, if I was going to compete with the strong, beautiful women around me who had it “together.” The ones I knew that had someone. Surely their partner chose them as the gorgeous creatures I initially knew them as? Like the girls being prepared for their debutante ball, I needed to be ready for when the right person came along. So I could be like those women I so admired.

maybe. But that isn’t how it worked for -me-.

I don’t believe there’s anything wrong in taking it slow. Thoughtfulness is indeed a virtue. I love those who carefully consider whether any particular commitment is suited to them (especially parenthood!)

I also think if you’re waiting for love, you’ll wait a very, very long time.

Perhaps an eternity, or at the very least, a lifetime.

It’s so easy to find reasons to wait. “I’m not good enough for a partner.” “I’m not sure what I want.” But it’s okay to be less than perfect with your partner. It’s fine to discover what you want with them. Alongside them. Together. (Just be honest with them that you are still figuring it out and be prepared to, graciously, part ways if it turns out you aren’t as compatible as you’d hoped!)

That’s what it means to be a partner, for me, anyway. It means being the best for them, but also making mistakes together. After all, who else will help you through them like the person who loves (almost) everything about you? (Nobody loves every tiny thing about anyone, stop worrying about that, please!)

I didn’t wait.

I’m not exactly the most patient person in the world, for better or worse. I dove right in– mostly. True, I did not submit for three years. Three years??? Yes, but, well, for that I was not ready for quite a while. Some things -are- worth waiting for.

That person that is “right” for you is likely someone you see all the time. There’s no magical prince or princess in the wings– and if there is, they’re probably more focused on someone more accessible to them (sorry!).

The person for you is with you, or near you, or something like that. This person responds to your interactions. They don’t say, “Well, maybe another time” and then never bother to set anything up. They aren’t the ones you should be waiting around for.

So, why not take a bit of a chance?

Just– make connections. Talk to people. Go with them to the movies or sing karaoke. Do not think you need rush into any forms of play, anything you have instinctual red flags about. Do not think you need rush into any forms of play, anything you have instinctual red flags about.

Please don’t -wait- for them to come to you. It won’t happen (or it will, but on their terms, not yours). Post writings more than pictures (or at least some writings!). Follow people, don’t just let them follow you and hope one will rise to the top.

Meet them at parties, munches, wherever. Be interested in them. Relationships are about them as much as you. They’ll be less concerned that you are the “proper” weight than if you remember some special detail about them.

I’m still not “ready,” truth be told.

But I can’t wait to be ready, I’ve got too much to do for my partner, my family, my friends. I don’t have time to Pygmalion myself.

They say to be the change you want to see in the world. I wholeheartedly support that. But also,

Be the change you want for yourself, today.

Don’t wait for Prince(ss) Charming to do it for you.

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