what a dom wants, what a sub needs

Surely this isn’t an unfamiliar sight.

A dominant stands proudly, thrilled by his submissive’s accomplishments and demeanor. S/he freely displays them for the public, basking in the glow of the accolades, “What a beautiful relationship you two have!” The masses are slutty with their praises.

But somewhere in the background is a frustrated dominant (or two or a dozen) sulking. Why won’t their submissive do what they want? Guess they must not be tall or good looking enough to earn submission.

They aren’t entirely wrong. Some women only want the traditionally attractive doms. Some men, too, only want the classic domme look, tall, thin, clad in latex. But that’s honestly not the only way.

If you want your submissive to behave a certain way, the best way to accomplish this is by modeling that behavior.

You can “want” all you like, but if you don’t respect other people’s time– or theirs– why would your submissive respect yours? If you tell them to maintain a clean and tidy house, but don’t keep your own work tidy, what do you expect?

Perhaps they fail to achieve the standard you want from them, despite your best efforts. What you want is not always what they do. But I can guarantee you they won’t be very motivated if they don’t see it in you. Hypocrisy is not something many I’ve known many submissives to accept.

I’m not perfect, neither is my master.

But I do know that when I try to push desirable traits and behaviors on the “submissives” in my care, they instantly stiffen and ignore me.

Too often the dom(me) tries to immediately force the submissive to submit to them. But that isn’t how it works. That isn’t how any of it works. You want them to do their part? Show them that you’re willing to do yours. Show a commitment to your role; and if they’re worth your time, they’ll commit to theirs.

It is no different with my munchkins. I can say whatever I like, but my words carry little weight when they see me acting the opposite. They don’t do a great job cleaning, because I don’t do a great job cleaning.

But they are incredibly warm, accepting, and loving of near strangers in their lives. Everyone should be loved, every needs love. Heck, they understand concepts of love beyond many adults. They’ve learned…me. (And they’ve learned my master, their grandmother, my family, etc.) The little ones are kind, understanding, fiercely loyal, even if they are a little lazy, impatient and prone to emotional outbursts. Oh, well.

Kind of like me.

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