what a dom wants, what a sub needs

Surely this isn’t an unfamiliar sight.

A dominant thrilled by his submissive’s accomplishments and demeanor. S/he proudly displays them for the public, basking in the glow of the accolades, “What a beautiful relationship you two have!”

In the background, I’m equally sure, is a frustrated dominant (or two or a dozen) sulking because why won’t their submissive do what they want? How hard is it? Oh, nobody listens to anybody right?

They aren’t entirely wrong. People very often don’t listen to what other people say. You know what they do, uh, do? They watch what the person does.

If you want your submissive to behave a certain way, the best way to accomplish this is by modeling that behavior.

You can “want” all you like, but if you don’t respect other people’s time– or theirs– why would your submissive respect yours? If you tell them to maintain a clean and tidy house, but don’t keep your own work tidy, what do you expect?

Perhaps they fail to achieve the standard you want from them, despite your best efforts. What you want is not always what they do. But I can guarantee you they won’t be very motivated if they don’t see it in you. Hypocrisy is not something many I’ve known many submissives to accept.

I’m not perfect, neither is my master.

But I do know that when I try to push desirable traits and behaviors on the “submissives” in my care, they instantly fling up a wall. I can’t tell them what to do and expect to get it every time–

–and certainly it carries little weight when they see me acting the opposite. They don’t do a great job cleaning. Okay, it’s pretty pathetic. But they are incredibly warm, accepting, and loving of near strangers in their lives. Everyone should be loved, they think. Every needs love. Heck, they understand concepts of love beyond many adults. They’ve learned…me. (And they’ve learned my master, their grandmother, my family, etc.)

I cannot swear to any expert knowledge, but I can see my own life. The little ones are kind, understanding, fiercely loyal, and, oh, yeah. A little lazy, impatient, and prone to emotional outbursts (usually followed by contrite, sincere apologies).

Kind of like me.

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