“damaged” folk don’t need to be alone

I love old movies.

Raising Arizona is one of my favorite movies of all time. I apologize if I’m slightly spoiling this, but since it was released in 1987, well, I’ll put that on you :). There’s a scene in the movie where the main character tells Nathan Arizona that he and his wife are probably splitting up. The wife’s reasoning is that they’re no good for each other, too messed up and broken. Nathan listens and tells them he understands, but to please just sleep on it before doing anything.  Of course it’s implies that they end up staying together.  Not only that, but happily.  With everything they ever dreamed of.

Look, I’m not going to tell you what to do. I’ve made it a point not to do that, and I won’t break that now. I even wrote that they don’t have to date you unless they want to. Well, the same holds true for you: you don’t have to date anyone you don’t want.

I’m only asking that you realize that you don’t have to leave someone, simply because the two of you are messed up.

We’re all messed up. You think you’re going to find someone so perfect that they haven’t been broken, beaten up around the edges, inherited some annoying or failing trait? And what would they want with someone like you or me, anyway, if you did?

Because what’s brought my master and I together– among the convenient things like shared interests which oh my god helps!– is that we’ve been through our hard times together. That he’s helped me overcome my trauma as I helped him get through his. I may be “faulty,” but he knows it and can deal with it.

What matters is what I do next, not what happened to me.

I’m not saying it’s easy, because it’s not.

It’s hard, sometimes, to be faced with a mirror of our own faults, shortcomings, etc, but it also helps us grow and become the best versions of our selves (not that there is anything wrong with us, but why not live moving forward?)

Perhaps someone will tell me I’m wrong for thinking this. That I’m telling people to settle for broken partners.  But that isn’t what I am trying to say. I just think we’re okay, really. I choose to believe I’m optimistic for believing we don’t have to be healed, in order to find love.

It’s all a matter of perspective!

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