no, i don’t want your husband: an explanation of ethical non monogamy

Breakup of couple with man and sad girlfriend outdoor. Divorce, couple, love, pain concept. By NDABCREATIVITY

Okay, he’s cute, sexy, whatever.

Have I thought about him? Maybe. I’m demi sexual in the sense that I need an emotional connection (even if it only exists in my silly little head), so I may not have any interest in yours…in particular. And you’ll probably never know. Flirting and general interest are generally defined by intent– and I am not the type to kiss and tell unless I think there’s a chance of something happening.

And I don’t want something to happen! Truly, I don’t. Have I fantasized about men without permission? Yes, of course. But only that. As I’ve fantasized about women, too. Celebrities I’ll never meet. Friends I cannot see anything romantic happening between us. But I don’t say anything to them.

The thing is, and I know this likely baffles you because you cannot understand why I wouldn’t desire him– I really don’t. I want him just the way I have him, in a completely fantastical way where I can combine him with all the best parts of Chris Hemsworth (dressed as Thor, naturally) and, I don’t know, all the other Marvel Chrises? Stupid and pointless? Sure. But it is what it is. I know if I find out what he is like, as a person, it will make him more real. I don’t want that. That’s yours.

…no, I don’t actually want him.

Besides, suppose I did? Why would I risk saying something? Either he wants me, and I stop wanting him (because what girl wants to be the replacement?). Or he doesn’t, and he stops wanting me (as in he wants to stop talking to me altogether).

Now he’s He’s another ordinary, boring cheating husband/boyfriend/partner. Why would I want that?

You see, there are amazing, wonderful, ETHICALLY non monogamous men in the world. Who offer their partners brilliant, fascinating lives. Who I could only dream of being good enough for. They are the reason– well, them and the beautiful, pretty, sexy, magnetic women I see around me– I strive every day to make myself good enough. They are worth it. Your husband simply isn’t, well, not for me. Hopefully he is for you. Don’t expect me to take him off your hands. I am not my ex metamour’s trashy new husband.

So, no, I don’t want your husband. Not when I– and I apologize for this if it offends you– can do so, so much better than stealing a life that would never, ever be mine!

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