leaving them behind

#isolation

I hear some women talking about the men who left them. Some men talk about the women who left them, too. It feels nice. I would like that to happen to me. For my demons to just move on, disappear. Mine like to stick around, for whatever reason.

I don’t know why people complain about it when people they despise leave them. I’d be grateful if the people who despised me left as far away as possible. I don’t really know what it’s like to hate someone. I try, but…it doesn’t feel like what people talk about when they describe hate. I’ve never really understand what about me inspires hate, either. Kitten tries not to worry about it.

I know what I’m doing is worth it.

I matter; to my master, to the munchkins, to all my loved ones. I am assured my friends are here for me. Their words are beautiful, but their actions speak even louder. It helps me keep moving forward.

I’m tired, though. I think the nicest thing would be to put the world on pause. Take a week, a month, nothing but my thoughts. Imagining black waves, rolling in and out, over a black sea.

I think I need a rest soon. It always feels like “soon” is just around the corner. Next week, maybe even tomorrow. But tomorrow seems rather far away some days.

I can’t today.

Too much to take care of. I need to present as calm and confident, because the people near me need to see that. But underneath? I’m a mess. And I think, just maybe, it would help if I could know I can relax, without things falling apart. Soon enough.

I’ll breathe, knowing that everything will be okay. Quiet. Peaceful.

Won’t that be lovely?

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