Do you want to try a polyamorous relationship for the first time?
Open up an existing relationship? Date a partnered person?
It’s bother harder, and easier, than you’ve likely been told. Being polyamorous is really no different than any other life. Especially if you have a few life skills already under your belt. Which…it might be nice to know about beforehand.
So, I thought, why not put down a few things that I wish people that wanted to date me, or my friends, would know about? It’s not too much, just a few essentials. I believe that the more that you can answer positively, the more likely you’ll have a positive, “easy” experience when transitioning to polyamory (“easy” relatively speaking). And the less likely you’ll have to undergo Polyamory by Fire. Which is an option, but not my personal first choice.
Didn’t do so well? Doesn’t mean you cannot practice polyamory. Got a good handle on the questions? Awesome. This doesn’t mean you have to be polyamorous. After all, you can be excellent at cooking and choose not to be a chef. You can have fantastic relationship skills and choose to be a miserable skinflint alone at home with their twenty cats/s.
You can do whatever you please.
But, hopefully, this gives you a good sense of where you’d stand in a polyamorous relationship. Try it out!
FOR ALL FOLK, PARTNERED & UNPARTNERED
- Do you consider yourself to have strong communication skills?
- Have you been uncomfortable in the past trying to limit your feelings/connections with people?
- Are you genuinely happy for the people close to yours happiness, especially when it’s from a reason unrelated to you, i.e. they are happy because their other friend got them a really awesome birthday present?
- Do you believe that love is based primarily on what happens between the two people in a relationship w/ each other (as opposed to what happens with outside parties?)
- Are you generally unsuspicious and think the best of people that have developed a long standing trust with you?
- Are you comfortable being alone?
- Can you comfortably manage a conversation with two or more people at the same time?
- Are you good at managing relationships, regardless of distance? Not only with a primary romanic partner, but with friends, chosen family, etc?
- Have you had a healthy relationship with a child as a stepparent, aunt, uncle, or teacher? A healthy, close relationship with a non romantic adult? Or any strong non primary romantic relationship lasting 2+ years?
10. Do you realize you could be good at all those things and also prefer NOT to have more than one romantic partner?
IF YOU HAVE AT LEAST ONE EXISTING ROMANTIC PARTNER
- Are you aware of your partner’s needs, cravings, hopes, desires, and quirks? As well as your own? E.g. If I were to ask you if you could go on a date with me this Friday, would you already know if your partner was cool with you being with me on a Friday night because you two often do a “girls’ night” or “boys’ night” apart from each other (change genders as needed)? Or would the thought of you wanting your own Friday night be a shock for them? If your partner did date another person and was physically affectionate with Susie, would it hit you that you, too, would like physical affection from your partner? Or would you already have the level of physical intimacy you like with them?
- Have you traveled away from your partner at any time?
- Communicating with your partner is Sexy. Yes or No?
- Does the idea of being with your partner for two years or more seem really, really long and you assume by then that your sex life should be dead?
- Have you ever asked your partner what they want?
Thanks for making it through! I hope you enjoy other writings here!