When you get almost everything you want, you sometimes forget about the little courtesies you failed to win. Other times, it’s all you can think about.
I’m thinking about it today.
It’s the ask, that’s what it comes down to.
That’s what is bothering me. He never wanted her to not be their mother. She wanted him to not be their father. It wasn’t a fair ask.
Her ask wasn’t fair, in the first place, but that doesn’t matter now. The court pretended both parents were acting in good faith, cared for the best interest of the children. The legal system cut the baby in half, and gave each parent something. But you know who gets hurt when that happens. (At least the kids saw through her, that’s something.)
I’m supposed to act like both sides are the same. Whatever the “sides” may be. Democrats don’t want to give me all the rights I desire, but they aren’t actively stripping them away like the Republicans (who then tell me, but, you know, WE will lower your gas prices. Fuck you, you don’t get to turn me into a baby incubator and then give me a few bucks off my essentials). And she isn’t anything like him.
What am I supposed to do now?
Do I smile as if nothing bad happened? Do I pretend she’s acting in good faith? I don’t really know what I’m going to do tomorrow, or the day after. I do know I need to stop worrying about it.
Monsoons came to the Nevada deserts today. I live next to a giant lake, now, and I’ll be honest, I haven’t appreciated rainy days in quite a while. If anything, I’m mildly annoyed. But I forgot how much it means to someone who rarely sees water gushing down from the sky. It’s life giving.
I don’t have it all, but I cannot spend my time dwelling on that.
On what was lost. On what will never be. We did our best. It’s over now.
I will not stop fighting, but– sometimes you need to appreciate rain the way desert dwellers do. Sitting on the porch, savoring the smells, the sounds. I, here and now, make a personal commitment to love how amazing life has been.
Life is too short to not be grateful for what you’ve got.