I see it constantly. Couples seeking a bisexual woman. “Unicorn hunter!” they scream. There isn’t anything worse- in the polyamorous community- than wanting a “third.”
Everyone wants their own perfect, SINGLE, female partner.
Which, I guess, makes sense. It seems like such a dream for newly excited polyamorous couples. To find their perfect girlfriend. It’s easy to lose sight of the fact that she’s a real, human being. After all, since when did we treat dating as if the other person was an actual person, rather than a role to fill?
I am tired of this, too. Tired of people seeing potential partners as actual people. I don’t care if that’s how most people on the planet date. I want you to do better.
Because, well, what happens when she is doing the same thing as you are?
You might be unicorn hunting, but, guess what? A lot of them are unicorn hunting themselves, and they don’t want you for the same reason you don’t want that other woman who is already in an established relationship. You’re already attached.
You are treating her as an object? She, too, is seeking her own Object. The perfect, experienced, loving, firm, and SINGLE dominant. You want a single girlfriend to date you and your girlfriend? Great. She wants a single guy to date. Oh, right, you’re not Single, either.
She, too, is unicorn hunting.
She’s usually under thirty, pretty, single. As with the unicorn hunting couples, she is a dime a dozen. One of many who wants a dominant man, single, worthy of her submission (just like they want a girlfriend, also single), etc etc. Of course experienced, both relationship-wise and kink-wise. Little to nothing about what she has to offer, only about what she wants. Unicorn hunters like to do that, too. Nothing about what they have to give (and shouldn’t they have twice as much?), but only what they want, want, want.
Curiously, many of these pretty, single women desirous of the perfect dominant claim to be bisexual or pansexual, as well as listing themselves as Polyamorous. But she doesn’t mention anything about female partners. No, she is focused on her own man.
I could say she’s lying about being bisexual to gain men’s attention. But what if she’s not? What if she’s just waiting until she has her “man,” to go seek a girl together? What if she is just half of a unicorn hunting couple in the making? Certainly I’ve known several of those. Friends who got with someone, only to then decide to seek a girlfriend “of their own.” It’s hardly unique.
One day, with any luck, she will become part of that Couple.
And she will continue the cycle with her own male dominant. Now that she feels secure in having her own primary, as so many other women want, she wants more. She wants a girlfriend to join her and her husband, master, Daddy dom, whatever label.
She posts ads saying, “I would love a female to join me and my boyfriend!” She doesn’t understand why she can’t find anyone, though she, herself, did not want to join into a couple. She forgets that part.
Unicorn hunters, I do not condemn.
I get it. We all want to be the first important person, well, most of us do. If we’re polyamorous, we want someone else to join our life (after we’ve built our own, of course!). It’s easier, if we can find it. My master wasn’t single when we met, neither was I. It brought a series of complications into our lives. But if all I was looking for was that perfect single Dominant, I’d probably still be looking. If he would only take me if I promised sexual exclusivity, I would have turned him down. So you can compromise on the whole “She needs to be single and unburdened so she can easily become part of our lives, without bothering us with any of hers” or you can keep looking for a very, very long time.
…maybe, just maybe, being Single shouldn’t be your top requirement in a partner. And, maybe, just maybe, you should stop worrying about things that don’t matter and start focusing on genuine connections with other human beings. Maybe then you’ll actually find yourself part of a tight knit, loving community that you always wanted…
Find more nuanced understanding of unicorns through my other writings HERE.
For more basic understanding on the pitfalls of unicorn hunting, click HERE!