Six Reasons Why a Person Can be Monogamous From Insecurity to Boredom
The idea that it’s impossible to only love one person at a time is a myth. From insecurity to desperation, these are 6 of the most common reasons people can stop falling in love after one person.
When my patients ask me this question, they are often considering, or already involved with, someone who wants them to give up everyone else to be with them. They may be asked to give up everything from a second intimate, loving relationship to talking to any ex-partner, or even not talking to every single member of a sex/gender to which they are/were/or are considering one day to be attracted towards. Sometimes they aren’t allowed to be sex workers, because that counts as cheating. It can be very overwhelming and difficult for them to manage all their partner’s feelings.
As they struggle to avoid talking to other people, giving away any time that is “their partner’s time,” and generally making sure not to form any emotional attachment to another human being, they realize that the situation is untenable for a long period of time. Yet, they cannot let go of the relationship. They ask me, “Is there something wrong with me that I am in love with a person like this?”
These situations, and the conflicts that accompany them, are not that uncommon. Yet, many people in committed relationships believe that they should be able to meet all of their needs with only that one person. They feel they are failing when they cannot.
Culture, religious practice, privilege, and what the societal expectations are with regard to having more than one relationship at a time are also in play. Going against social norms always has a cost, and though one may get away with breaking them, there is always the chance of being caught and the consequences that go along with that possibility.
Though often viewed skeptically, there are, indeed plenty of healthy monogamous relationships.
And there are many reasons why people do choose to be monogamous.
Sometimes people just don’t have anything else to do. Committing to a single person is easy, I mean, where would they meet a second person anyway?
Some people can barely maintain ONE relationship, let alone SEVERAL. One is probably generous.
You know, when you mean to flirt with other people but work and kids get in the way? Yeah, it happens to more people than you’d think.
It makes some people feel a lot more secure when they keep their partner in a cave, I mean at home, all the time. That way they can’t possible meet anyone that they might form a genuine connection with.
I love being just the way society tells me I’m supposed to be. Doing what people tell me. Why shouldn’t I listen when it comes to possibly the most important decision I’ve ever made?
- Self Protection
I tried non monogamy once and I got hurt. Clearly that means I’ll get hurt every time and only in that arrangement.