The funny little ways we perceive love and ourselves.
At heart, I am polyamorous– but one can be polyamorous and in a monogamous, polygamous/polyandrous, or any relationship structure of one’s choosing (which would be relationship “anarchy,” not perhaps the best word but the one associated with the term).
I believe one ought to be able to choose for oneself. But I don’t always love the superiority that some feel when they choose theirs.
I grew up around Mormons, which meant I was familiar with polygamy. The biggest issue I took with it wasn’t that a man shouldn’t have multiple wives, but that women weren’t allowed the same privilege. I didn’t judge it, though, like many did and do. Understanding polyandry made me feel a little better. If only both were equally accessible!
Yet it wasn’t for me any more than monogamy. But what was?
It wasn’t until I found the polyamorous community that I discovered relationship anarchy. I instantly related, though, for what it’s worth, I never felt RA was inherently connected to polyamory. I felt anyone who was in any style of relationship– be it polyamorous, polyandrous, polygamist, monogamist, or non monogamist– could create their own nuances in their relationship structure and thus qualify, to many at least, as relationship “anarchist” (which is misleading as few RA relationships operate in terms of total anarchy, but rather a specific set of rules and boundaries specific to their relationship alone).
I still don’t judge anyone for choosing what they want in life. Want to have an OPP? Want to go further and be monogamous? Want to go in completely the other direction and never commit to anyone at any time? Sleep around, date around, whatever? Or contain each other in mutually agreed ways? I don’t care, do what you please.
I still happily talk to my Mormon friends, even if I’ll never practice their way of life.
I prefer to be somewhere in the middle, but that’s me.
I certainly don’t think one’s morality or value is based on what sort of relationships they are in. You aren’t superior because of how you choose to date.
But who knows? I might be the crazy one 🙂
