Ah, the fantasy for most male folk, no? Maybe. Certainly it’s true for at least a few of em, and, let’s be honest, for more than a few of us female persons, as well. Although, funny thing, when one presses it as a Thing That Might Happen, several folk politely bow out. It’s a tasty treat, yes. But it turns out that not –everyone- wishes to partake in this particular dish. Learn how to have a successful threesome (or at least stand a better chance!)
(And, who knows, maybe you can live the fantasy threesome life, with two women (or men) pleasuring you and you just sitting back and enjoying it, but if that’s what you want, look elsewhere. I have no advice for you.)
You see, the truth is threesomes are not for everyone!
Leave aside that it is a matter of personal taste. Even if you believe you want one, do you know the tricks of the trade? Do you know how to make a “successful” threesome? Let me show you, please! (Well, figuratively speaking.)
Such a fine art it is, the making of a fantastic threesome! The artistry around a fabulous orgy differs from that around the energy woven between only three.) I would like to share with you, so that you do not slink home disappointed. As sadly too often happens at the end of the night.
First, who are you bringing to the table? Er, bed?
I don’t wish to discriminate, but how many straight people are involved? Too many straight folk in the threesome pudding and it will ruin it. No more than one straight person per two bisexual/pansexual/queer folk, please (for a threesome, this means one; if you want more than one, it’s best to just go for a straight out orgy!)
Otherwise, the whole affair turns into one person trying their damndest to take care of two people, rather than focusing their attention on one. While some may be able to finesse this sexual gymnastics, please do not try this for your first threesome!
You do not want to be That Guy desperately seeking to make two straight women play out his fantasy of lying back watching lesbian sex. That’s called porn, not life. You want that, you’re probably gonna have to pay for it– or deal with a very awkward aftermath!
Secondly, what is the comfort level/attraction between the persons involved?
Okay, now that we’ve got the delicate issue of too many straight folk out of the way, who are the people you’ve invited? Just because they are both bisexual does not mean they are interested in each other, or you.
I highly recommend that each “dyad” within the triad have time to get to know each other and play with each other (again, IF interested, this whole thing assumes the people involved are consenting). Before you jump into a huge pile. I’ve had more than my share of threesomes and the worst were when I met the girl and immediately all of us ran to the bedroom.
Allow some time for attraction to build.
Also, please do not count on friendly chemistry to be enough. It is going to be unpleasant for someone if two of you are friends; get into bed; and then realize you don’t really feel physically attracted. It’s okay if you don’t want to risk the friendship, but then, maybe don’t do the threesome, either? If you cannot picture yourself being alone with the person, please don’t think a threesome will somehow solve it (spoilers, it won’t.)
Okay, now you’ve got at least two bi (three is even better!) folk all interested in each other and curious about each other. What’s next?
You’ve got the basics down. Three people all in the mood and ready to play. At least two of them interested in the other two involved (that’s enough.) This part is a little trickier, because…it’s up to you.
But it is up to you! Which means, don’t think you need to act out some video you watched. If you need to take a break in the middle, communicate this and all go over and cuddle and eat popcorn and watch a show together. When you’re ready, if you’re ready, go back. If you decide you aren’t feeling up for sex that time, say so. This is your night to do it however you want.
Take your time, communicate needs, wants, etc. Just like you’d do in any other situation. It might not happen right when you talk about it, but let it play out in its own time.
Because here’s a secret…ssshhh!!!
If the threesome goes well? There will be others! If it goes poorly? You will never get those other two people back in your bed again. Or, maybe you will, but I wouldn’t count on it.
Which doesn’t mean if it doesn’t go well, you should abandon all hope. My first threesome was probably hilariously bad. But, whatever. I went on to bigger and better things in life. Still, I can ruin a perfectly good three way engagement like anyone else, if I ignore all the “rules of attraction,” so to speak.
This is a beautiful dance you are orchestrating.
Ideally, everyone should feel equally involved in this moment. If it’s a couple and a so-called “unicorn,” nobody observing should be able to tell the “unicorn” apart from the couple. If it’s three people coming together, all should come together…in a beautiful, complex, gorgeous dance. If anything, the person newest to the group should get the most attention. For what it’s worth, I highly, highly recommend that if one person is newer to the group, that this person either gets all/most of the attention in the beginning/first time. Especially if you want this to happen again.
That being said, everyone should feel like their needs and wants are met (with three of you, there’s really no reason why everyone shouldn’t be satisfied at the end.) This may mean using your words, even during play. This may mean varying levels of play and involvement the first, second, third time all three of you share intimate space.
…this may mean, well, any number of things! I cannot possibly squeeze it all (hehe) into a single piece. Please do feel free to ask me anything you like, if I misssed a point here and there!
With that, I wish you the best as you attempt this feat!
*He and she used for clarity’s sake, rather than an assumption of roles. Switch as needed.
Love,
Kitty