“but the thing is…”

I’m speaking with a friend about someone who has hurt them. And they tell me,

But the thing is…

And those words reverberate in my head,

But the thing is…
But the thing is…
But the thing is…

I am sure I am not alone in having a poisonous ex or two. By which I mean, they told me they had a poisonous ex or two in their past. I could, however, always find something nice to say or to remember. I may be emotionally slutty, but I am not an emotional masochist (nor any other kind of masochist.)

But the thing is, she was kind to me.
But the thing is, he told me I was beautiful and bought me jewelry.
But the thing is, she took me out on the most romantic dates.

Except for -her-. I wish I could. I cannot even ask her own child to give me something nice about her, because it will only look like I’m fishing for compliments on how I’m better than she is. That is beyond necessary by now.

But the thing is, she’s never done anything that hasn’t been petty, cruel, or baffling.

I realize how unbelievable that sounds. I’m sure she must have done something nice, for someone, but I never find about it. I do not even know if anything she does brings herself happiness, let alone another. I don’t know if she’s capable of creating happiness. It’s a sad thought, I realize.

I am sorry if you have someone like that in your life. But no matter how they hurt you, remember this:

The one who should be pitied is them.