“Why not just give [polyamory] a try?” some ask. “What can it hurt?” But it isn’t that simple. Some simply do not desire more romance in their lives– and there is a greater reason, I think, beyond that. It’s terrifying. I read a play called A Doll’s House when I was in college. It made a lasting …
The funny little ways we perceive love and ourselves. I grew up around Mormons, which meant I was familiar with polygamy from a young age. It was old fashioned, of course, and outdated. Still, everyone knew it happened. I did believe in equality; if a man could have multiple wives, women ought to have the …
morality of monogamy, polygamy, and relationship anarchy, the Read More »
When you discover a new term for something… A while back, I’m speaking with a fifty-ish woman, sparkling silver scarf wrapped round her neck. She’s a little shy, but attempting to open herself to connections. Somewhat new-ish to kink and very much brand new to polyamory (yes, some of the conversation is embellished for the …
Six Reasons Why a Person Can be Monogamous From Insecurity to Boredom The idea that it’s impossible to only love one person at a time is a myth. From insecurity to desperation, these are 6 of the most common reasons people can stop falling in love after one person. When my patients ask me this …
Want Some Guidance on Getting Started? If you wish to be the sort that lives the traditional, vanilla married couple life, you may well get along without much in the way of expectations management. Though I don’t believe it’s ideal, as I see far too many memes of clearly upset wives whose husbands do not …
how to manage expectations in a polyamorous relationship: a general guide Read More »
Am I polyamorous? So many ways to interpret the question. Some people want the word to mean anything and everything. Bit frustrating. I got this all the time, as a queer person, when it came to defining bisexuality. Meeting women who said they were bi, but meant, “I like to make out with women in …
Jealousy is a powerful driver. It can consume and destroy lives. I still remember the oldest munchkin, then age 6, sighing as she shook her head, “Jealousy.” (We were talking about her biological mother, and she brought the word up, not me.) But her mother feels jealousy over her children. I am at a loss …
I am the sort of person that when asked if I want X or Y, I say, “Both? Both sounds good.” I’m home relaxing this past weekend and watching TV. On my latest obsession, the female lead (Teresa Lisbon) is at home with her boyfriend. He asks her if she wants to watch Casablanca. “It’s …
choosing polyamory can mean not having to choose Read More »
I think that’s the wrong question. I don’t want to be asked if my relationship style is “better.” I want to be asked if my relationships are better. And, specifically, better than they used to be. I believe I can safely answer, “Yes.” Not because I’ve met better people. I hate that assumption. I believe we …
“Compersion isn’t necessary in a relationship!” scream many in the polyamorous community. I understand it may be a difficult concept, but the truth is I find that sentiment, bluntly received, rather crap. If I care about your happiness in your life, and, yes, romantic relationships, I expect the same consideration in return. Why should I care …