conversation with kitty & a confused pervert: “don’t just LET us be brats to you!”

You’ve negotiated your terms. No sex, that’s the agreement. But some girls like to be kinda bratty and what if- smack in the middle of a scene- they straight up demand, “Fuck me!”

Yeah, exactly! What if they ask to fuck me in the middle of things?

Say no. No, really. You’re never that desperate to get your dick wet. Cause you keep that up enough, you’re gonna get a reputation. Is that worth it? Just…say no.

But then they’ll be mad that I was too nice!

Okay, so what? Let em be mad. You know what the worst punishment is for a brat? BEING A TOTAL GENTLEMAN WHEN THEY REALLY WANT TO BE HUMILIATED AND USED. Don’t cave to that. Make them learn that if they want to be bratty with you, it’s gotta be consensual. They have to negotiate that, same as dom(mes). Cause guess what? Subs have responsibilities, too.

Okay, but shouldn’t she have said she was a brat before?

I don’t know. Yeah, probably. But she didn’t, and you don’t know now if she’s a brat or just completely caught up in subspace and doesn’t know what she’s asking for.

But she should know! She’s an adult.

And you’re the dom. Do you want to be the responsibility or not?

So what am I supposed to do?

Step back, tell her no, firmly. Then when you’re fully out of the scene (yes, this includes aftercare), ask her about it. Ask her if she feels like she’s a brat. Ask her if she wants to be able to change her mind mid scene and what kind of safe words/situation will indicate to you this is brattiness and no

But that’s not sexy to negotiate everything!

It’s sexy if you make it sexy.

But what if it’s a woman who told me a real dom should PUSH the submissive to submit? To give up control?

Guess what? Women can promote rape culture, too. I’ve seen it. Now, if you want to practice ethical CNC, cool. But don’t let anyone, not even other women, convince you that ALL women should be treated the same.

So, you can go along with idiotic advice and get shunned. Or you can be part of the change to make a safe world for women (and men, incidentally).

But what if I can’t do that?

Then maybe you are a predator. What else can I say? Work on being less of a predator or get kicked out of your community?

Or at least just stop pretending you don’t know why many of us don’t feel safe.