I *know* monoamory is not for me!

please note: this is a satirical take at what most posts/profiles that unequivocally state “I know polyamory is not for me” sounds like to me.

I tried it once. I really did. I gave it my all. I really did. The courtship. The destination wedding. The house with the picket fence, the 2 cars, the 2.3 kids, the 3.2 pets. But I just couldn’t.

  • I just couldn’t deal with not having more than one intimate friend for the rest of my life, since that is considered emotional cheating.
  • I just couldn’t handle that even talking to someone who could turn into a potential partner could be considered cheating.
  • I just couldn’t deal with just one partner in my bed, since having more would be considered actual cheating.
  • I just couldn’t deal with no orgies in the shower that I specced for that very purpose.
  • I just couldn’t deal with intimacy being defined as just sex.
  • I just couldn’t deal with the one Disney-canon-approved kind of monoamorous relationship structure

So I have grown. I have evolved. I have come to a realization that after trying it once, monoamory is just not for me!

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