i’d rather not be alone, thank you

I’m idly scrolling through Facebook the other day. Someone made a post with an image of Diane from Bojack Horseman, after her divorce from her celebrity husband where she states, “You feel even more alone than before you left. But you survive. You learn that you can survive being alone.”

A lot of people cheered that sentiment. But one commenter pointed out, “But she doesn’t end up alone. She marries Guy.”

Because she nearly didn’t. She almost gave him up, so she could go back to her old self where she gets to feel Heartbreak and Pain and Suffering. Where she can attach herself to a broken soul to fix. Or whatever it is that drives her to be near Bojack, instead of friends who are reliably there for her and stable. At least that’s how she used to be. But at the crossroads in her life? She chose to follow her guy to suburban Texas and write lighthearted Young Adult books.

If there’s anything I learned from Diane, it’s this: You can be alone, but that doesn’t mean you want to be alone.

Settling down or not, we all end up settling for what is best for us. I am in the suburbs, forging through with a life I never even dreamed I’d want. But it’s a life that I’d never, ever give up. I realize that in this life, I could take a child, my child, to school for their first day. That makes me smile. Because in my mind, I’m walking my child alongside my partner, their father.

I plan on living about a thousand years. I think my next life is going to be a famous porn star & movie director bouncing from country to country as a nomadic gypsy. At some point, I’m living in a yacht. But even in that little fantasy? I’m doing it with my partner by my side.

Sure, there’ll always be people that judge “Dianes” for their choices. But they’re probably miserable people. Do you really want to listen to them?

It’s okay to not want to be alone. To let your guard down and be a little weak and vulnerable. But also to have that love and support and…a home. Always. To do more than “survive.” It’s not always easy, but what is worth anything that is easy?

Tonight, I am grateful to be with someone I love.

What about you?

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