normalizing love and lovingness

Greed is normal, jealousy is normal.  But what does “normal” even mean?

Is it what is common? What is natural? What is right?

I go to a doctor, I say I’m feeling “normal” today. My chronic pain is “normal.” That, of course, differs from those with lesser or greater chronic pain. It is, however, normal to me.

Beyond that, I do not know why we should normalize hatred, fear, and indifference over love, caring, and sharing. Why should compersion and mudita be “weird” when it comes to “our” relationships, particularly our romantic ones and our relationships with our biological creations, i.e. our children?

It is difficult for me, as I sit through conversations, to hear someone say for the umpteenth time that it is “normal” for a parent to hate their ex more than they love their children. That how things are for us is “normal.” Pettiness, fights, conflicts over anything and everything. But why? I am not saying this is an untrue, common reality. I simply do not understand the why.

Is it something I’ve done to someone? Something a million someone elses have done to a million other someone elses over a million years? If so, I did not mean it. I apologize, and I would like to do better.

Or have we simply been taught too often to be afraid?

I want to normalize love and understanding. That does not mean an instant comprehension of the unknown. A simple, “Can you tell me about XYZ?” Just the start of a discussion. There are things I do not understand as well, and I would love you to tell me about them, without reacting in anger and judgement because I do not See What You See. But I would like to…?

I would love it if were more common- whatever “normal” means- to trust that our partner loves us. To give more than we hope to get. To know that if we fall on hard times that someone will catch us. That we will be forgiven for our mistakes. That we have more smiles and laughter than pain and anger.

Perhaps, then, we could more efficiently and competently deal with the pain and anger that will never go away. Bigotry, racism, the dangerous reality in which many live. The cruelty inflicted by those who have no intention other than hate. Who cannot stand others being happy, since they themselves cannot feel happiness.

I don’t expect hateful, closed off, bitter people to ever go away, after all. I only wish for them to be the strange and the weird.

Perhaps it doesn’t matter Why It Is What It Is. Only that we strive to move along a different path.

In a million, different, little ways.

I apologize if this seems clunky and awkward. I just wanted to put my thoughts into words.

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