when your friend objects to going to munches

They tell you they can’t meet you at munches.

They’re too introverted.

They are scared to go to a munch.

They don’t think they’d fit it.

…but they want to date you, a kinky person.

And for a lot of us, that means meeting at munches. Not coffee shops. Not our homes, or their homes. At a munch, surrounded by friendly, open kinky folk. That’s important to some of us. Maybe they have sincere objections, which you should honor. But sometimes they just have excuses…and I happen to have responses to some of the usual, thanks to a dear friend of mine.

Hello, dear reader!

Need a response to your friend/prospective partner/etc’s objection to munches? Sometimes this requires more thought and conversation…but sometimes a simple answer suffices. I hope this comes in handy when the next person messages you on Fetlife, asking you to meet, but “not at a munch because [insert above reason]”!

Love, Kitty

From the lovely @artificialdeath (20 NB Brat, Fetlife contributor)

I know multiple people who deal with messages from people who are simultaneously determined to come to our local munch and also… not come to our local munch… and tbh it’s tiring. So, if you’re messaging me because you want me to hold your hand through your exploration of the kink scene, here’s a handy little list to refer to first. 

I’m shy!
You have a Fetlife account and you’re actively messaging people, that’s not shy. You’re getting there! Besides, if you want to socialise as much as you do, you’ll get over it. I’m sure most people (myself included) have had the same experience. 

I have really bad social anxiety/depression/whatever!
You aren’t the only one! Get therapy or do what helps you. The kink scene isn’t a replacement for professional help and neither are the people in it. 

I don’t know anyone…
And you’re not going to with that attitude! 

… so could we meet beforehand?
Sounds like a long winded way of asking me out but okay. 

But I’ve never been to a munch before!
Ever been out for drinks? Had dinner in a restaurant with friends? You’re sorted. 

I’m scared I won’t fit in…
We’re all misfits, it’s chill. It’s the kink scene, not bloody Mean Girls.

What if there’s loads of people?
There won’t be – it’s a munch. If there’s too many people for you to cope with you’re allowed to leave at any time, self care comes first. We’ll just appreciate you coming along at all tbh. 

I don’t want to feel awkward.
Message the munch organiser! Odds are someone can meet you early and do introductions and all that. 

But I’m scared to message the munch organiser.
But you messaged me and I’m equally a stranger! This one always hits me in the giggledick. 

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