It terrifies me, more than a little bit. I’m strong enough to handle anything thrown my way (at least so far, please whatever spirits live above, don’t take this as a challenge!) I’ve got the financial security to protect myself (money buys everything, including the safety and happiness of my munchkins, which means my own …
learning how to hurt people Read More »
“She doesn’t get to be traumatized!” My munchkin and her biological mother have a strained relationship. I’m not going to explain, nor justify, but there’s plenty of reason for her to feel that way about the woman who gave birth to her. I’m cross legged on my oldest munchkin’s bed, attempting to mollify her after …
“she doesn’t get to feel traumatized!” Read More »
#isolation I hear some women talking about the men who left them. Some men talk about the women who left them, too. It feels nice. I would like that to happen to me. For my demons to just move on, disappear. Mine like to stick around, for whatever reason. I don’t know why people complain …
leaving them behind Read More »
#relentless We’ve been fighting for, God, six years now? Longer? I’ve forgotten what we’re even fighting about. But She has not. I felt sure she’d give up by now, if not out of sheer boredom. But she’s been surprisingly resilient. Still stuck in her own story. I cannot explain her, not anymore. I can only …
raging against the storm Read More »
As soon as she wasn’t interested in me sexually, she wasn’t interested in me romantically. As soon as she wasn’t interested in me romantically, she wasn’t interested in speaking with me. As soon as she wasn’t interested in speaking with me, she stopped saying “hello.” As soon as she stopped saying “hello,” she needed a …
downward dating spiral Read More »
I don’t know that I’ll ever understand her, my lovely toxic ex metamour. I cannot really explain the passion and drive of misguided strength. But this thought passes through my head, as I’m watching the Borgias, where a man of God is tortured near to death. How could he survive? Why did he not break? …
some days i wish for the strength of a misguided strength Read More »
Please, I know that you’re angry with me. You think I ruined your life. That I took everything away from you. Leaving you lost and hopeless. You don’t know how much I wish I could have stopped you from feeling like that, but that doesn’t change that I did cause you this pain. I’m not …
i don’t hate you enough to give you what you wanted Read More »
Has anyone ever given you a view from halfway down? I hope not. What I mean by this is, has anyone shown you what your life might look like if you made the wrong choice? Lived it in front of you? While you watched them every step of the way towards their own downfall? Well, …
she gave me a view from halfway down Read More »
We walk past it everyday. Never bothering to ask that woman who looks a bit off, “How are you?” Or we say it, but we aren’t listening for the answer. Supposedly people thought I was being used by my master. Curiously enough, though, they never actually spoke to me. I guess they couldn’t have been …
casually walking past abuse Read More »
She can be very charming, you know. Say the right words, put on the right costume. She smiles and laughs– and it rings hollow to me, but others seem to think it’s natural. It’s nothing like the tinkling glass chimes that is my youngest munchkin’s laughter, the kind that sounds like a waterfall. Still, it …
i thought she said sorry Read More »