That’s the worst part, in a horrible, no good, very bad way. I’m better than I used to be. Even being in her town, my whole body would react. My heart would beat faster; my body would react as if I were under threat. I can handle being around her, even. Without my whole body betraying …
i hate when my hands shake Read More »
As soon as she wasn’t interested in me sexually, she wasn’t interested in me romantically. As soon as she wasn’t interested in me romantically, she wasn’t interested in speaking with me. As soon as she wasn’t interested in speaking with me, she stopped saying “hello.” As soon as she stopped saying “hello,” she needed a …
downward dating spiral Read More »
Abused people, abuse people. I’ve heard that a lot. It’s easy to find yourself trapped in that mentality. As angry as I’ve gotten at my ex-metamour, I know that she’s mostly repeating what her own mother did to her. This is what she believes love looks like. It’s what she’s known. Abused people, abuse people. …
reevaluating, “abused people, abuse people” Read More »
She can be very charming, you know. Say the right words, put on the right costume. She smiles and laughs– and it rings hollow to me, but others seem to think it’s natural. It’s nothing like the tinkling glass chimes that is my youngest munchkin’s laughter, the kind that sounds like a waterfall. Still, it …
i thought she said sorry Read More »
I don’t always want to stay. I am a kitten, and a kitten can often be skittish. A kitten wants to be loved, yes, but doesn’t always know how to ask for it or find it. I am, indeed, one of the lucky ones. Why do I stay? I stay because of little moments like …
i don’t want her to be one of the broken ones Read More »
I’ll say it here: Trust is overrated. It’s wonderful when it genuinely blossoms from a deep connection. A solidly built trust helps to reassure one that you are making the right decision with any given person with whom that trust is formed. Yet at the end of the day, the only person in whom you …
trust isn’t necessary to be a fucking decent person Read More »
“Because if i don’t [write my book] then that means all the damage I got wasn’t good damage it’s just damage. I have gotten nothing out of it, and all those years, I was miserable for nothing. I could have been happy this whole time…what was it all for?” Bojack Horseman, S6E10, Diane Sometimes we …
is all damage “good damage”? Read More »
My friend shared a story. She’s an emotional person, empathetic, thinks with her heart. Also happens to be a hard skills, no nonsense, get the job done career woman. But– she has a soft spot within a relatively hard exterior, I think. Like a caramel M&M. She just pulled over, in her car, today. And …
sometimes, it’s not even about the crisis Read More »
This is for anyone to use as a template if they have trouble with how people talk to them about their trauma and abuse– and would rather stay silent than deal with second hand trauma from having poor reactions from people who are trying to help, or make it worse. We speak of victims and …
how i speak about my past Read More »