I wrote an earlier piece on different [forms] of play in kink. But why does it matter, anyway?
Because I’ll hear people all the time asking, what makes me kinky? Or him or her….or so many questions.
And ultimately, I have only one litmus test: Is it play?
Because as soon as you involve play– by definition as far as I’m concerned– it is kinky.
It might be using derogatory words to make the person feel as if they are an actor in a play, free of their own body and self, able to fully lose themselves in the experience. It isn’t the words themselves, anyone can talk dirty. But to use those words to transform the person? How is that not acting? How is that not a play? And a theatrical play is a form of play, is it not? It’s entertainment, not a lecture.
It might be having specific rules about when and where the person can engage with the other.
Someone asked if it is ethical for a submissive to “test” a dominant with a safe word. But that’s the wrong question, if you ask me. If it’s okay between them, then it’s okay. What exactly does it hurt anyone, if that’s how they play? Does it hurt you that in Monopoly, rolling doubles means you get another turn? Not if the rules say that
After all, it’s a fine line between abuse and kink. If I smack my girlfriend with a spatula, is that abuse or kink? You couldn’t answer that without crucial information, namely, did I receive her consent? Consent, for what it’s worth, can be given in multiple ways, each of them valid? A husband abusing his wife looks outwardly the same as a Sadist inflicting desired pleasure on his masochist. Until you know the context, it’s impossible to know which is true.
Now I personally don’t have time for those kinds of games in my life, but, as I said, play is kink. If it’s for them, it’s for them. It doesn’t affect me.