things you might want to avoid saying to a polyamorous person (because they might respond honestly)

Unsuspecting Person:  “I could never do that.”

Me (on a normal day): “Cool.”

Me (on a bad day): “Yeah, I’n not surprised. You’d be lucky to manage to make one relationship work.”

Me (on a worse day): “You sure that being single isn’t your thing?”

UP: “But what do you do if you have kids?  Isn’t it weird to involve them in a poly relationship?”

Me (on a normal day): “Well, I guess I’m just pretty skilled at balancing a family life AND a romantic life. AND a social life AND a hectic professional life. My life is just busy ALL the time.”

Me (on a bad day): “I mean, how do you raise kids with only two parents? Isn’t it utterly exhausting? When’s the last time you had a date night?”

Me (on a worse day): “Hey, if you involve your kids in your romantic relationship, I guess that’s your deal. But I, and all the poly folk I know, don’t bring kids into their bedroom life or romantic agreements. Just feels weird to us.”

UP: “Isn’t poly just about sex?”

Me (on a normal day): “Yep.” (conversely, “Nope.”)

Me (on a bad day): “It’s cool that your romantic relationships are about sex, but actually it’s different for me.”

Me (on a worse day): “It’s so sad that some people just can’t see that romance could be anything but physical.”

UP: “How do you find time to date more than one person? Isn’t your schedule totally crazy?”

Me (on a normal day): “It is totally crazy! I just got back from a trip to Argentina, have you ever visited the tomb of Eva Peron, so cool, and my family wants me home for my mother’s birthday, I got her this cool scarf I think she’ll love, and next week I’m off to San Francisco, and then San Diego to see one of my oldest friends, they have my favorite ice cream shop…and, sorry, what was the question?”

Me (on a bad day): “I know, it’s the craziest thing, but I make time in my life for TWO, actually even more than two, important people! I know, it’s not the life for everyone.”

Me (on a worse day): “Did you know that there are monogamous people that -sometimes- talk to someone that isn’t their significant other? I know. I was shocked when I learned this, too. They even treat these people well, they call them ‘friends,’ and value them and respect their time, just like they were in a relationship!”

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