Someone queried this on Fetlife “Why Do You Write?”. I think that is a very important question, that every writer should answer.
Too often, I read a post and have no idea of the author’s motivations. Do they want support? Information that helps prove or disprove their ideas? Do they want to know that others have the same experience, so they feel less alone?
Take a painting. I am not an artist, I don’t know the technical merits of a piece. I might see beauty in a painting, but so what? It’s the story of why the artist created it that intrigues me. I once saw a painting of blackbirds on a tree, a “mistake,” so the artist said. I never discovered the mistake, but I loved the fact that they hadn’t abandoned their work but transformed it.
I am tired of seeing passive aggressive negative articles, especially about kinky folk, stepmoms and poly folk, that assume it’s this difficult life to overcome and conquer. Rather than starting from the assumption that it might be the most amazing life one could imagine, which it is for some of us! With its own ups and downs. Hardships, but also greatest gifts.
I am tired of seeing yet another poly blog, with no kinky perspective— because they aren’t the same thing, but there is a huge overlap.
I don’t know what everyone wants, but I know what a lot of people say they want: the happy endings in romantic comedies. We laugh at them, but we secretly want that for ourselves. Nobody tells you HOW to get there, though. Unless you just happen to live in their apartment building and go to the restaurant where they work. After an appropriate amount of back and forth mind games (“I like you, but do I really like you, and, oh, my God, that was so cute, okay let’s date and now I love you and let’s get married!”), you fall in love. Honestly, that’s great, but I don’t know anyone who found their love like the Big Bang Theory or Friends. Maybe it’s just me.
Therefore I write for these reasons:
I want to share philosophies you may not have come across, or stories you may not have heard. I’ve read many of the same posts, again and again. I don’t want to discourage that, those posts are something that need to be heard. Still, I don’t want to recreate the wheel.
I think I have discovered something a bit unusual. A way of life that works for anyone, not just a kinky, polyamorous, bisexual, gender ambivalent stepparent. When it comes down to it, we all want the same things: love, companionship, a place to feel safe and understood. And I’d like to help people get there, if I can. Disagree with me? Don’t think what I found is useful? Then move on to something else.
I am not everyone’s cup of tea, as they say, but I may be your shot of whiskey. And those people that need me, truly do. I don’t get flooded with messages, but the ones I do receive are detailed and poignant. They absolutely need to hear these words. Please respect this.
I write unabashedly as a polyamorous, submissive, playful Kitty. I believe some of us need to hear this, that it is absolutely okay to be ourselves, without apology, without disclaimer. Every monogamous couple is afforded this privilege, and those who practice less common lifestyles should be afforded the same.
I am trying to build a resource for those of us that already know the basics, “What is unicorn hunting?” “How do I meet a third?” “What does polyamory mean?” I am not ragging on people new to these lifestyles. But there are plenty of newbie resources already. The world doesn’t need ANOTHER poly newbie writer. Some of us have been living this way for at least a couple of years, and still want to keep learning— and there’s not much out there for someone who doesn’t need to be told that doms have feelings (and, hey, some people legitimately need that!). I hope to help fill that void.
It’s not just about me. I’ve designed the site in a way that showcases other writers (I am selective in how I share, but I do look out for writings). I also try to make it interactive, so that readers and friends not only contribute thoughts, but ultimately influence the direction of the site.
Plus, I’ve learned some pretty cool stuff in the last decade. I am not the smartest or the cutest or the sweetest. But I have a lot to contribute and I’ve worked damn hard at Making Relationships Work. I have successful relationships of all sorts. I’d love if someone could get to where I am, without having to learn every single, painful, stupid lesson I’ve gone through. Sometimes common wisdom isn’t so wise, sometimes people know what they’re talking about. I am lucky to have been able to spend some time understanding the difference (like that rule to not introduce kids to your partner too early after a split/divorce? Yeah, that’s a good one. The one that says get married after one or two years, have a child after another one or two years? Mostly bullshit. Do that on YOUR timeline, or you’ll be living someone else’s happiness.)
Good friends of mine tell me that I am a healer. That I speak to those who feel lost and broken and alone. I love feeling like I can help provide positivity to someone. I want to be that person. I want to help. The way I know how to do this best is through my writing.
I hope this gives a good idea of why I write.