what does it mean to be “too nice”?

I’ve heard that a million times.

“You’re too nice!”  Said to myself (in regards to what I do for others) and to others (in regards to what they do for me). I never know if it’s supposed to be a shocked utterance, an insult, or even a compliment of sorts?

It often comes from a good place. I know that many have expressed concern that maybe I’ll just be used up, discarded. “You do too much for your partner!,” they say. I know they’ve done “too much” for their boyfriends, and they’ve been treated just that way. Used up for everything they could do, and left without a word. Rather paints a target on one’s back when one is the “too nice” girlfriend.

I think, “Are they right? Should I stop? Pull back?”

Am I doing too much, and am I expecting too much from them? Maybe we’ll wear each other out. Or maybe, just maybe, we’ll build each other up. I don’t know.

And sometimes I don’t do as much, because of that feeling. I am sure they won’t want to do those things for me, because it’s too much. So I respond by doing less.

But it doesn’t make me feel good inside. Doing “too much” makes me feel good.

I do “too much,” I suppose.

My friend got kicked out by her boyfriend, who didn’t much care where she went. We took her in for three months. Was I “too nice”?  But, after all, why not? She is our friend.

I’m “too nice” to the munchkins. I let them get away with too much. Their mother never would, why should I? But, also, they hold no respect for their mother.  Also, their mother is a p.o.s.  Do I want to model myself after that?  And they are kind, respectful, helpful, and go out of their way to do things for me and their father that few children ever even think to do!

You see, I ask a lot, too.

My friends go above and beyond for me. Do more than they “should.” I am fully aware of this. But I accept their “over niceness.”  Because I know I will reciprocate one day.  That’s who I am.  I cannot take without giving back.

Perhaps it’s not so bad that I, and my friends, are “too nice” to each other. That I do “too much” for my master, and he does “too much” for me.

If we are not “too much” as human beings, perhaps what we do isn’t “too much,” either.

Perhaps it’s only just enough.

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