open letter to the married man i haven’t yet rejected, an

To the married man to whom I will one day say “no,”

Thinking on the wonderful love between the Professor, Wonder Woman, and the Wife, I thought about how troublesome it can be for couples to find their magical unicorn. Alas, dear married man, that I am about to reject, it isn’t so easy for you. And a lot more women will likely reject you, too. Why don’t we all save ourselves some time and effort, and I’ll just write a nice rejection letter than anyone can use?

A few of you deserve custom breakup notes, yes, but for the majority, frankly, my reasons for rejecting you can more or less be covered with the following:

I did NOT reject you, because
  • You referred to me as “female.”  I am female.
  • I need to be your FIRST primary. I already have that, not that it means that much to me, but I do. I am not so self absorbed that I need to be your very first love, too. Not just first love, no, but the first woman with whom you made a commitment to share a life together.
  • I have no chance of being a primary of yours, whether or not I was your “first.” I have plenty of non primary relationships in my life that are very fulfilling and loving. I don’t believe a relationship must be primary in order to be valuable.
  • And, NO, I did not reject you because I felt threatened by your wife.  I have no reason to be scared of her.   Your telling me this makes me curious if YOU think she’s terrifying- but, don’t worry, I’ll just assume this was simply a miscommunication on your part. I am sure she is warm and lovely.

As a matter of fact, I pray you speak adoringly of your wife.  I hate when someone dumps about their spouse to me, as if I will feel flattered or sympathetic.  I want you to love her. But– there is a difference about freely gushing about your awesome partnership with her and making it clear that she is the only one of any importance to you, now and forever.  I don’t mind being one of many, but I don’t want to be in your true love’s shadow, either.  I want to mean…something.

It makes me wonder what you are even doing with me, if I matter so little to you.

Hey, if you want to have fun, awesome. 

I’ll do it, if it’s convenient. But I’m not going to go out of my way.  And at the moment you are rather out of my way.  

I wish you the best of luck.  When you’re ready to do more than blow hot air up my ass and waste my time, please get in touch! 



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