ask your partner what they would do if you fell in love with someone else
on that first date, lying on the grass in the park
before they know they are “polyamorous”
even if you have a closed relationship
(because feelings don’t listen to borders)
ask them before you have a child together, ask them before you get married, what would happen if I fell in love
with someone else
with my no strings attached, sex only playmate
with my platonic best friend
would you leave me if i told you i loved another
if i said i loved them more than a friend
if i said i might love them as much as you
if i said i loved them more than you
would you work with me to put our child first, even if we could not make it work between us, if you and i grow apart
neither of us wrong, but neither of us right for each other
sometimes it happens
sometimes it’s not about the “right” answer
but just knowing what the answer is
would you be jealous of my love for our child, if i said I loved them
more than anything in the world.
if i fell in love with my best friend, do you call that cheating
if they react with anger, fear
if they say, i can’t believe you’re even asking me that
how could you believe i would be like that?
i won’t even deign to answer the question
then you probably have your answer
because i cannot promise forever, but i can give you my word
i can trust that you will give me yours
i talked to a woman the other day who left the father of her child
for ten years
ten years that the child did not have their mother and father by their side
because the father took ten years to overcome his jealousy of his wife’s love for their child
some people have said to me,
i can’t believe that happened
that people are like that
i’ve known it to happen in three different families
and that’s not exactly the kind of thing people freely talk about
so god knows how often it really happens
(the jealousy of one parent over the other parent’s love for their child and the child’s love for the parent that isn’t them)
and i’m not even saying any of this was anyone’s fault
but i know it happened
look, i know that it isn’t always easy
and some hardships are avoidable, and, yes,
you can’t avoid everything
you can’t know the future
but please ask the questions
because if they can’t even handle being asked the question
what on earth will they do when faced with the reality?
Beautiful piece. “Because feelings don’t listen to borders” really resonates with me. If ever I heard a succinct yer abstract definition of polyamory, this is it.
I hope you show this poem to your friends 🙂