for better or worse, I’ve settled on what I want in life
For now. For the foreseeable future. If I live a thousand years, I might redefine it, but for the foreseeable future, I have it more or less figured out. I don’t know all the details, and I probably never will, but I know the structure. I know what the puzzle should look like, even if I haven’t got all the pieces together. I fully expect to go through future evolutions, but I need to finish what I’ve started. Do this right. For once.
Did I get here because of kink? Did it make me a different person? I don’t think you need rope, or fire, or whips (or fire whips?) to have a good life. But, the community of friends I’ve found who congregate around kink? I don’t think I could have what I need, without them. My vanilla life did not make me this happy. I loved my friends– but it wasn’t me.
kinkiness goes hand in hand with exploring & experimentation, so the shenanigans shall go on!
Every time I experiment with some new concept, some new form of play, it takes me a step further down this path. It doesn’t change my life overnight, but slowly, like water carving out a canyon. So slowly that you don’t see it happening, but years later, and it’s there and solid and…impressive? There’s a sense of accomplishment to succeeding in a kinky life, that you get by defying what “everyone” says is best. What is supposed to make you happy. Not just loving kisses, but the sharp sting of a dragon tail. The orders to do as your partner commands, or, conversely, the sense of pride as your partner complies and gains a pleasure they can only receive through their submission.
now that I’m here, I’m grateful
I am fortunate to have a high risk tolerance, because I couldn’t have gotten what I wanted without that type of personality. It might have been that I hated this life, that, as it turned out, I was vanilla after all. But at least I knew, because I’d tried it.
Maybe I could have done things differently, but I did it the way I did. I think it turned out all right. So, now, I’m sharing my stories with other people.
Yikes.