morality of monogamy, polygamy, and relationship anarchy, the

The funny little ways we perceive love and ourselves.

I grew up around Mormons, which meant I was familiar with polygamy from a young age. It was old fashioned, of course, and outdated.  Still, everyone knew it happened.  I did believe in equality; if a man could have multiple wives, women ought to have the same privilege. I didn’t judge it, though, like many did and do. Understanding polyandry made me feel a little better. If only both were equally accessible!

Some folk think I must disapprove or look down on monogamy.  It is true that at heart, I am polyamorous– but one can be polyamorous and in any number of relationship structures.  One could, theoretically be polyamorous, but in a monogamous relationship!  Consider the monogamous person who is also emotionally and mentally close with their friends or family.  Is that love somehow less valid because it isn’t “romantic”?  Why should they not be considered to have multiple loves, too?  Why should my casual partners count as “loves,” but not someone’s best friend of thirty years?

Now polygamy wasn’t for me any more than monogamy.  But I kept searching.

It wasn’t until I found the polyamorous community that I discovered something awesome– relationship anarchy. I instantly related, though, for what it’s worth, I never felt RA was inherently connected to polyamory. I felt anyone who was in any style of relationship– be it polyamorous, polyandrous, polygamist, monogamist, or non monogamist– could create their own nuances in their relationship structure and thus qualify, to many at least, as relationship “anarchist” (which is misleading as few RA relationships operate in terms of total anarchy, but rather a specific set of rules and boundaries specific to their relationship alone).  It’s simply it’s after I became polyamorous that I learned the term; polyamorous folk tend to be extra aware of these terms and concepts.  You kinda don’t have a choice; if you don’t learn, you usually end up crashing and burning.

I know much more now than I used to know.  But I still don’t judge anyone for choosing what they want in life.  I hate assigning value to any particular system.  I know what works best for me, but I support anyone in choosing what is best for them.

So, I will never put inherent value on my choices over another’s.

Want to have a OPP (One Penis/Pussy Policy)? Want to go further and be monogamous? Want to go in completely the other direction and never commit to anyone at any time? Sleep around, date around, whatever? Or contain each other in mutually agreed ways? I don’t care, do what you please.

I still happily talk to my Mormon friends, even if I’ll never practice their way of life.

And I hope nobody claims superiority for choosing differently.

I prefer to be somewhere in the middle, but that’s me.

I believe relationships are like donuts.  We each like the ones we like, but you don’t get mad at someone for preferring a different type.  If anything, you’re glad they like something different.  That way there’s more of what you want for yourself!  If French cruller makes me supremely happy, who cares?  It’s not your donut, and it’s not your relationship.

Ah, who knows? Maybe it’s me that’s the the crazy one :).

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