my top bdsm/poly resources for people new to [insert your kink/lifestyle here]

**THIS LIST IS CONSTANTLY BEING UPDATED**

These resources are geared towards those new to understanding healthy relationships.  All- or most- are poly and kink friendly. But you don’t have to be kinky or poly to get value. If you read this material and think, yeah, I already know this?  I may have additional resources for you.  Message me here or email me at stkitty@scratchthekitty.com!

More Than Two
Polyamorous blog. My biggest gripe with this site is it’s not updated, so far as I can tell, so once you’ve read everything there’s not much more for you. But the book is dense and a great resource to refer to anytime that you run into an issue in your relationship. Or to show to friends to help them understand. I have bought at least a couple of copies. The other thing is that it can be slightly One Twue Way, according to many I’ve spoken with, and I don’t disagree. Also, poly overlaps a lot with kinky folk, and there’s really nothing on the kinky side. Still, it’s a great first look at polyamory and covers a lot of the most common terms.

Poly.land
Polyamorous, mildly kinky blog. Updated daily!  It’s mostly directed at a polyamorous audience, but still unashamedly kinky. Especially with issues of consent. The author, Page Turner, regularly cross posts on her Fetlife feed. She’s really gentle with people new to polyamory, so she’s a great first impression. She also showcases many other authors, if you want to get a broader perspective. I highly recommend her for anyone who needs that initial, guiding hand.

Fetlife.com

My favorite community site for meeting kinksters. Take it with a grain of salt, but you can also learn about what kink means (though I wouldn’t recommend this as a first place to learn what kink means, because it can get very This Is How Kink Is, even though it might not work that way for you or other people). @Page_Turner is the main poly contributor, especially good for newbie poly folk.  @Unicornhusbandry and @Rainbow_Kitty7 are a great illustration of a healthy, open relationship. @pavlov is still my favorite on managing recovery from abusive relationships, if you have the stomach for her (she’s not really beginner material, though). Most of the other popular authors focus on general beginning kinky advice and how to have a good relationship with your primary partner, but I have no particular favorites. Do check out the “Fresh & Pervy” for new writings and new writers.

Desires Laid Bare

New to kink? I like this site to help get you started on understanding kink and kinky folk. It even helps direct you based on your current “level” of kink understanding (new to kink, somewhat experienced, very experienced).

Dating Kinky

Having trouble meeting people, and specifically, finding relationships on Fetlife?  Meet Dating Kinky!  Unlike Fetlife, probably because it’s something DIFFERENT than Fetlife, this site allows you to search for other kinksters by gender, role, etc to only find you kinksters that you’re interested in.  Bonus, they are there because they WANT to be approached, so you don’t have to worry about bothering someone who will never, ever meet you in a million years even if you are the sexiest thing since sliced Wonder bread.  You can also socialize, share writings, upload sexy photos, and more, but the dating functionality is its real distinguishing feature.  NookieNotes, the creator, also has a blog connected in which she shares advice on dating and more.

The Progressive Parent
Poly friendly Facebook Page. Updated frequently, if not daily.  Even if you are not a parent, this is one of my favorite pages for understanding how to deal with people. It’s sometimes a bit too preachy for my taste when it comes to being an ally. But, hey, at least they are trying and they are doing so in a way that isn’t more harmful than helpful (if you’ve ever encountered those types where you think, “why do I need enemies with friends like this?”) They provide some healthy ways of raising children AND supporting all kinds of loves and life choices. Although there isn’t always an obvious overlap between the two. It’s not super helpful for someone who is trying to raise children in a three partner household. But it helps give general ideas of a healthy environment for that family. I don’t recall their attitudes on kink, but they are open minded and probably wouldn’t judge.  But it IS Facebook, after all.

Captain Awkard

Chockful of relationship articles on a variety of topics, including emotional abuse. Text heavy, but good as a resource when you have time to peruse. Recommend saving favorite articles in a separate location for future reference.

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