can you be aromantic and polyamorous?

It’s a question I see come up now and again. Asexuals can absolutely be polyamorous, as romantic love does not have to be defined by sex.

…but can aromantics be part of a ROMANTIC relationship structure, many ask?

Well, yes and no. It depends on how you view romance.

Is romance only flowers and Valentine’s for you?

Is romance the act of committing to a relationship, versus a “platonic” relationship?

Is romance…well, anything at all for you?

People use labels in a myriad of ways. A self-described “aromantic” could easily fit into and live the life of your “average” polyamorous person. Or they might not fit in at all.

“Romance” is an odd concept. It’s very difficult to strictly define; which makes defining what isn’t romantic and what isn’t a “romantic” style relationship equally frustrating.

So, yes, an aromantic person can still be polyamorous.

Leave aside preconceptions and labels, please, for a minute. Does this person engage or desire to engage in multiple emotionally intimate, short or long term, connections with other human beings? Do they engage beyond the typical friendship with said human beings (i.e. do they share life plans, have children together, plan their free time/vacations with each other, tell each other their secrets, and/or any other aspect of your “average” romantic relationship)?  Do they want and/or provide commitments (short or long term, but especially long term) towards another person or persons?

Does the person…well, I can’t provide a comprehensive list of all the questions one might ask, but I’ll leave that to you, gentle reader.  I think you’ve got the point.

Besides, it all depends.

Still, I think the above gives a decent sense of aromantics in romantic relationships.  Beyond that, I have very little.  I wish I had a cut and dry answer for you.  But in our flexible world, there is often no One Right Answer.

….if this helps, wonderful.  If not, I apologize for my limitations.

Thank you for listening.

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