dear women, abortion does not need to be an act of desperation to be the right decision for you

I see this frequently,

No woman wants an abortion as she wants an ice cream cone or a Porsche. She wants an abortion as an animal caught in a trap wants to gnaw off its own leg.

I wish the meme had stopped with

No woman wants an abortion as she wants an ice cream cone or a Porsche.

I understand why they are saying what they are saying. To emphasize the absolute necessity for this procedure. Life saving, sometimes. Or the final act of desperation to, say, cut a rapist out of their lives.

But I’m also frustrated that we need this message, simply to keep a basic human right for all child birthing capable persons. Because, sometimes, the best thing to do is not bring a child into this world. Even if we don’t like to talk about it.

I still have to justify why I haven’t birthed a child. Have to read patronizing articles about “How All Women Don’t Want Children.” Because there’s still this idea that maybe something is wrong with us if we don’t. And we, society, need proof, or at least reassurance, that we’re not sociopaths for lacking the desire to have a child.

We’re supposed to be “good daughters” and “good mothers.” We want abortion to be an act of pure desperation, because we have trouble, still, understanding that some women just don’t want, or aren’t ready, to be mothers.

Why is it so difficult to accept that some of us aren’t cut out to be mothers? Don’t want to be? Why must we justify terminating a pregnancy only if it’s critically needed by factors wholly outside our control?

Some women are not forced to obtain abortions. Are they any less than those who have no other choice? Suppose their Plan B fails? Should they feel guilty for taking further measures?

If you don’t want a child, it’s okay. I hope you find someone who will tell you to do what’s right for yourself. Instead of, “Oh, just wait until the baby is born. You’ll see, you’ll love it, everything will be wonderful! Motherhood is something that’s awakened in all of us, once we hold our baby.” Except it isn’t.

A child isn’t a decision you can change your mind about later. It doesn’t stop when they turn eighteen. It’s okay to not feel sure about whether you can be a mother. To not want that life. It isn’t the pretty perfect picture many will paint for you. And if you don’t want it, you’ll probably be miserable.

I believe a child is a blessing; a fetus is a fertilized piece of flesh. It isn’t “punishing” a child to terminate a pregnancy. It’s protecting the living mother and living children.

Besides, if we cared so much about stopping so-called life before conception, we’d freely provide contraception. Including Plan B which prevents conception, rather than terminating pregnancy. I shouldn’t have to say this, but I’ll repeat it anyway: Plan B is NOT an abortion pill. It won’t work if you need an abortion.

I believe that the child will be born, someday, whatever it is that makes up a soul is immortal. If the one piece of flesh is ended, well, there will be another for the soul to occupy when the time is “right.” Maybe they’ll be blonde, instead of brunette. Or shorter, or a different racial mix. But who they are? That doesn’t change.

We need to be saying this, at least here, in our safe community, that terminating a pregnancy is nothing more than a medical procedure and it’s okay to want it for any reason. That, yes, there are emotional and physical complications, but we’ll help them through all of it.

Because I want every child born to two (or more) parents that both love and want them.

I do not believe this is wanting too much.

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