How they made you feel, what they said to you?
I remember flashes. A woman’s blackbird tattoo; experimenting with smoking after sex; this super fun bunkbed in a loft, like I was making love in Moulin Rouge; the time I walked in public with both halves of a couple holding my hand, unashamed to be seen with me; crying on the bed, telling me they loved me; staring into my eyes, as if they could see an infinite distance.
Most memories are distinct. Some memories get mixed up. I don’t know to which person they belong.
Do you remember your past loves?
The memories of some romantic getaway or the faint impression of a kiss on the back of your neck?
A special place that was just for you and them?
I’ve forgotten so much more than I remember.
I’ve had relationships that lasted months, sometimes years. But most of it has long left my mind. Some memories are captured only in sketched out writings.
Perhaps it is a blessing that I can forget, and instead remember that which I have now. The people in my life. The kisses from this morning. The soft snuggles from the little one as I tussle her hair. The undisguised joy that comes through the words sent over text from a long lost friend (well, one that I haven’t seen in two years??)
Try to let the past go.
Keep hold of the best pieces, yes, but let it go. Don’t let the past tangle you up, when the present exists simply and beautifully.