don’t be the worse version they want you to be

It’s tempting, I’ll admit.

When someone hopes desperately that I am the evil, horrible, no good person they want me to be. But why would they want that, you say? If it’s happened to you, you already know the answer to this. Thankfully, not all of us have.

Because if you are that person, you see, it justifies their treatment of you. What they did to others, because of the terribleness of you. The people they let down, well, they couldn’t help it. Because of what you did.

And when someone tells me, that is who I am? I know that I am not. I have faith in myself, based on my own assurance and that of those who love me. But, oh, a teensy piece of me wants to give in!

Partially, it is because I find the idea of being the evil seductress or the villainess rather alluring. Powerful, beautiful, everything I feel I might lack in my day to day kittenish awkward charming self.

But also because it’s easier. It would be easier to be the person they think I am. I could scream out my frustrations on those less able to defend themselves. I could freely judge and look down my nose and feel superior (that feels nice, right). Or I could simply be lovely and lazy (occasionally surfacing for a bit of evil world taking over.). At any rate, if I’m going to face the accusations, I might as well enjoy them, right?

But I don’t want to be that.

I don’t want to be cruel or petty. I don’t want to seduce anyone’s husband (what would I even do with the louse if I succeeded? ugh.). I don’t want to be mean or hurtful. I like being me. I’m not perfect. But I’m pretty good.

Still, since it is hard work, maybe it’s okay if I take a quick kitten nap and eat a bowl of ice cream?

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