I wonder if those messages don’t exist simply to reassure the left partner that the person will ultimately realize they made a mistake.

You know, the memes that say, “I’d wish the best to my ex, but they already had it.” Or the movies in which the couple breaks up, one meets someone new, and then the couple ends up back together (I’ve watched classic films with this plot line, it isn’t new.) Anything that ends with the message, as I mentioned, “Be there for the one who is always there for you.” Because it implies that they will always be there for you, and it also implies that you will always be there for them (even if it might take losing the person for you to come to this ephiphany). But I don’t know that I buy this…

That kind of messge has always felt rather Hallmark movie-esque to me. Like Calvin’s dad feels about Kodak commercials.

In real life, your partner may well have a life changing moment. But– it might not be the one you’re hoping for.

In real life, love fades. Changes. Ends. When you put your foot down and say, “It’s them, or me,” they might say, “I choose them.” In fact, I’d venture to say that based on divorce rates, that’s hardly an unusual outcome.

In real life, it’s not only about if you are there for them, it’s how you are there for them. you can say, “I’ve always been there for you,” and they might respond, “Yes. That’s the problem.”

I don’t know you or your relationship. Perhaps that isn’t you, or your partner(s), or various relationships, at all. I’m glad for you.

But that doesn’t discount the reality that I, and many of those I know, have come to expect that the new couple I met who are starting to date other people won’t be dating each other within a year. Just saying. Because I’ve seen it happen. Over and over and over again.

I don’t know what will happen to you, if you choose to open your marriage/relationship/interact with other human beings on an intimate, emotional level. But I’d like it not to be a gamble when it does happen. Or at least less of one.

Perhaps you don’t deserve to be left behind.

I’ve known people that did everything “right,” and their partner still left them. I’ve known others who I wish my friends would have left years earlier. Despite literally doing nothing good or beneficial for their partner, they got the benefit of their partner loving them unconditionally. Love isn’t always fair. But you don’t know which roll of the dice you’ll get in life. Don’t force a bad hand on purpose.

Vows and promises are meaningful words, but at the end of the day, they represent a contract. Any contract can be broken, that’s the nature of contracts.

So you know when they say don’t take you relationships for granted?

Yeah, they’re not kidding.

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