refusing to drink poison

People say a lot of things.

They say, er, some say, resentment is drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.  I’ve gotta listen to that one.  I don’t want to drink poison.  I just want to feel whole and good.

I need to stop the following:  Donating space in my head to toxic narcissists.  Convincing some random, ignorant person that I am, in fact, a wonderful person.  Worrying about problems I cannot solve.  Pretending I love things that I do not.  I do not, for example, love rainy days or blinding bright rooftop pools (my preference is cloudy days and Vegas pools in the summer after sunset, if you care to know).

I have more important things to worry about.  So do you.

Am I happy?  Depressed?  Anxious?  I can’t self diagnose.  I have bad days.  Days where I snap.  I choose to have these less often…and then even less often…but I am not so conscientious every day.  I am not always happy, but I want to be happy.

Which means leaving the past behind, while not forgetting it.

Have I mastered this?  All I can say is I try.  I glance past the picture perfect lives that surround me. Nobody lives an Instagram model life. But mine has taught me things for which I am grateful.

I think my life is as good as any other.

…I am learning to be happy.

Every day, a little more.

Thanks to the wonderful friends and chosen family that support and love me

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