So many stupid, pointless, damaging lies,
Some woman he’s just met yesterday told she’s just as important as his partner of twenty years. Of course she isn’t, and it only hurts when she’s treated “less.” Why say the same sugar coated lies that someone told her in any monogamous relationship, how she was the most important thing to him when they first met? Just because of a label. But the truth is- in the very beginning- HE is his most important relationship; his close friends; his loved ones; his children, maybe. And SHE is her most important relationship.
Eventually, maybe, they’ll be be as important to each other as to themselves. But that doesn’t happen overnight.
It’s a little harder (at least for some, I cannot speak for all) when that person already has loved ones they care about deeply, a romantic partner, children, a best friend of thirty years.
It’s a stupid lie and a hurtful one. Of course you aren’t that important to them the moment you get together. Slapping a label on a person doesn’t change reality.
I won’t date someone who makes false promises. Someone who thinks “equality” means telling me one thing, but practicing another. Or, perhaps worse, someone who believes it’s enough to redivide their time, again and again, between me and whatever new person they start dating (or have been dating). And call that “non-hierarchical.” No, all you mean is you have no ability or desire to commit. That isn’t for me.
It’s okay that I want to be more of a priority in your life than most. It’s okay that when we meet you have existing relationships that mean more than me. Someone you spend more time with; share more holidays with; make more decisions with (though, yes, eventually, if you want me to stick around, I’ll expect you want the same things with me.
Just don’t gaslight me by acting like I’m “just the same” before I’m anywhere close.
I want someone who is real with me. Who builds a life with me, over time always giving more, not less.
I want someone who builds trust, expectations, rather than demanding them because of a label without any ideas of how to actually follow through with reciprocation.
I want someone who tells me the truth.
Someone who doesn’t think they can scam me with a couple months of love bombing.
Someone who I know their love is for a lifetime.