to those who say, “you’ll find them when you stop looking”

“You’ll find them when you stop looking.”

I heard those words. I heard them as I was busy in the middle of abandoning yet another project, ambition, etc. I’m notoriously bad at finishing (well, not that kind of finishing!).

I’m fine with beginnings. I get excited about new ideas– and then I forget about them. Can’t follow through to save my life, most of the time. Big life projects, small ideas, whatever. If I have a toxic trait, this is probably it. I’m just not good at the resolving/ creating finished product part.

I heard those words, and I didn’t like them. I didn’t know why, at first, but they bothered me. Now I think I know. You know how many projects I stopped working on that magically became a reality?

Yeah, none of them.

I mean, sure they’re still lurking around, somewhere. I might even pick them up again. And maybe that book idea in my head will mysteriously materialize into a coffee shop one day. You really never know.

Maybe you’re the type to win the lottery. Or meet your Prince Charming by falling out of a tree. Or knocking into him in front of a bookstore with a cute little tree in front of it. It happens to some of us, after all.

The advice isn’t exactly wrong. It’s just that it’s not exactly right, either.

I’ll freely admit I met my master when I’d given up on dating. I’d decided men, certainly boys, weren’t worth it (and I had no idea at the time how to meet women). I didn’t need any of that, I told myself, I would just do it all on my own. Hah. I can barely do it with my partner now. I’m C+/B- at Adulting.

But it wasn’t that I wasn’t looking. It was that I’d let go of a rigid method of finding the Right person that didn’t work for me. Maybe for anyone, if you take what people say about dating these days to heart.

If you stop looking, someone wonderful might find you.

Or you might just find whoever feels like picking you up. Sometimes that’s good enough. Usually, I’ve found otherwise.

Of course, it’s different if you wish to stop looking because you simply prefer being alone. Or maybe you’re tired and feel like taking a break. Neither of those are wrong, if they feel right for you.

But good things don’t just come to those who wait. At least, they never have for me.

Perhaps it’ll be different one day?

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