unicorns & unicorn hunters, the real story! (hint, it’s not a bi woman who dates couples!)

She needs to be

Beautiful, slender, child free but wanting to provide her domly dom with children (her body will, naturally, revert back to pre-child body), available to move near you, experienced in submission, willing to please, an excellent cook– and above all, SINGLE.

He needs to be

Tall, fit, experienced in various forms of BDSM, a caring Daddy, chef in the kitchen, master in the bedroom, firm, gentle, rough, whatever the time may call for– oh, and, yes, SINGLE, too.

Reminds me a bit of the Amy Winehouse “Fuck Me Pumps” song.

But s/he’s not unicorn hunting. S/he’s straight!

Sure. You’re not a unicorn hunter. You can tell yourself that. Only it’s always the laundry list of requirements. Everyone, well almost everyone, does it. Seeks someone with fabulously unrealistic expectations. But it always comes down to the same things. And they always, but always want someone who is single. Who is wholly and completely for them, always.

I suppose I shouldn’t begrudge them their desires in a partner. I have what they want, after all, that person who is there for me above all else. Building a life with me. But I don’t “keep” him, anymore than he keeps me. Plus, it isn’t a unicorn if you actually find the person. The whole point is unicorns don’t exist. If you can find your so-called unicorn, great. It’s just a lot of people can’t, and you shouldn’t feel bad if you’re one of them.

Just because you’re not a hetero couple seeking a bisexual single female partner doesn’t mean you’re not unicorn hunting.

Look, let me just list for you all the experienced Dom(mes) and submissives I know that have been in the lifestyle for some time, meet all the above requirements, have the time to go to the gym, maintain a strict health conscious diet and do their hair and makeup to the standards you desire at all times, intellectual but also geeky…did I catch most of it? Anyway, um, you wanted that list….and definitely single, right?

I have the list right here, of all the people you want, just give me a minute. Oh, fuck it. If you know this person, wonderful. Please pass the names to me, so I can give them to my unicorn hunting friends.

I know precisely the sort of dream you wish for. Just the other day, I saw this girl met this guy who was hot, chivalrous, geeky, knowledgeable, and, okay, we know we’re all shocked here, HAD A GIRLFRIEND. She was so disappointed, of course. I know, that kind of guy, having a girlfriend already? We’re all very surprised, I know.

But I believe you will very well find your Prince(ss) Charming.

Only he probably won’t have the time to keep a six pack AND chiseled pectorals AND maintain devotion to your needs and wants 70% of his waking hours.

She probably won’t look like a Victoria Secret model when you meet her, and probably not after she has children.

S/he/they won’t be the perfect size. Or height. Or possess the right income, social status, or degree.

….or if by some miracle you do happen across one of these perfect, fantastical creatures with 100% of the traits you want? They sure as hell won’t be single, unless they don’t want anyone. In which case, they won’t suddenly swoon when they meet you, honey.

Do as you please. But just don’t be surprised when you don’t find that elusive, scarce

Last Unicorn.

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