I understand hesitancy in romance.
Okay, I might jump into bed with near strangers- but I am slower to connect emotionally.
I instinctively freeze whenever I meet someone new. Even when I first met my master. He wasn’t right for me; I had strong feelings about his partner choices; I was a total mess and surely I wasn’t ready for someone to -see- me.
Besides, I had all the time in the world, right? Everyone told me so.
I wanted to come out guns blazing (or something like that, not a huge gun fan, sorry!)
I thought, I’ll wait until I’m that woman. I’d be the strong, beautiful woman who had it “together.” I’d stun everyone when I walked into a room. Most of all, I wanted to impress him. Ugh, I thought, he saw me too soon! But it turned out it wasn’t too soon.
…And it worked out okay.
Oh, I don’t believe there’s anything wrong in taking it slow. Do what you need for your own sanity and well being. Thoughtfulness is indeed a virtue. I love those who carefully consider whether any particular commitment is suited to them (especially parenthood!)
I also think if you’re doing nothing but waiting for love, you’ll wait a very, very long time.
Perhaps an eternity, or at the very least, a lifetime.
It’s absurdly easy to find reasons to wait. “I’m not good enough for a partner.” “I’m not sure what I want.” But it’s okay to be less than perfect with your partner. It’s fine to discover what you want with them. Alongside them. Together. (Just be honest with them that you are still figuring it out and be prepared to, graciously, part ways if it turns out you aren’t as compatible as you’d hoped!)
That’s what it means to be a partner, for me, anyway. It means being the best for them, but also making mistakes together. After all, who else will help you through them like the person who loves (almost) everything about you? (Nobody loves every tiny thing about anyone, stop worrying about that, please!)
I may be the worst person to offer this advice.
I probably dive in way too quickly. True, I did not submit for three years. Three years??? Yes, but, well, for that I was not ready for quite a while. Some things -are- worth waiting for. I take crazy high risk chances. I mess up All The Time.
But I still think waiting is overrated. Doesn’t mean you have to force something. But if you meet someone who looks awesome? Waiting might mean losing them. There’s no magical prince or princess in the wings– and if there is, they’re probably more focused on someone more accessible to them (sorry!). Look at what’s in front of you, instead of hoping for better…eventually.
If nothing is happening, why not take a bit of a chance?
Make connections. Talk to people. Go with them to the movies or sing karaoke. So you’re not ready for play or sexual encounters. Don’t think you need rush into any forms of play, anything you have instinctual red flags about.
Only, for love of everything holy, don’t wait for them. It won’t happen (or it will, but on their terms, not yours). I say make your life on your own terms.
Go out to parties, munches, wherever. Be interested in them. Relationships are about them as much as you. They’ll be less concerned that you are the “proper” weight than if you remember some special detail about them.
I’m still not “ready,” truth be told.
I’m so far from ready it’s silly. But I can’t wait to be ready, I’ve got too much to do now. I don’t have time to Pygmalion myself.
They say to be the change you want to see in the world. So to that, I add
Be the change you want for yourself.
Don’t wait for Prince(ss) Charming to do it for you.