What does it mean to be an alpha submissive? Does the role even exist? Or is it just a way for a confused Switch to self describe?
Being an alpha submissive, for me, isn’t about being a role model. I’m hardly simply because you are a role model. And you will be if you are someone’s submissive around another submissive, especially if that person is submitting to your partner. We all influence each other, after all. Nothing out of the ordinary there.
Say I am visiting my friend. She has another friend staying with her, who has stayed with my friend before. I am quite likely to look to that more experienced guest as to what to do. I may not do so deliberately or consciously, but if I see they don’t wash their dishes (and my friend is fine with that), I’m probably not going to wash the dishes. (I won’t be obnoxious, but if I see them not caring so much about keeping things tidy, I’ll be less motivated). On the other hand, say I see the guest makes their bed. I’ll probably make my bed, too.
It’s no different with D/s dynamics. When I dated a couple, I looked to them to see what was expected. It didn’t mean I felt I needed to be a carbon copy of the other girl (at least for me, it was the other girl that also submitted). If someone starts dating my master and I, and she happens to be a submissive female, yes, she comes to me for guidance, sometimes. Role model. Of course she’ll see how I interact with him, and be somewhat influenced by that. Even if she doesn’t necessarily mimic any particular behavior.
Second,
Sometimes, however, it turns into an actual dynamic. But one that ought probably to be treated carefully and with respect.
I wouldn’t put that on anyone without explicitly consenting to such a dynamic. If she wants to learn being a submissive FROM ANOTHER SUBMISSIVE, it makes sense for her to learn from me, not my master or any other dominant. I can give her a different perspective.
But, please, do not assume your dominant’s other submissive partner wants that from you! Talk to them about it; it’s okay to talk with everyone in the room, too. Also, just because they do defer to your way of doing something, that doesn’t mean they want to be told what to do all the time. Be mindful.
Finally,
I also am, usually, the submissive who steps up and becomes more dominant when I am in a group of submissives or around another submissive. Because otherwise, nothing happens. I have no interest in things not happening. Just not me. I consider that to be alpha submissive, too.
So what do you think?
Thoughts on this sometimes controversial role? Do you agree with my own way of acting in the role? Are there other forms of the role that I have not mentioned (I don’t like talking on behalf of how others do their thing, prefer to have people speak for themselves)?