you will (probably) miss the person you were before you became a mom (or parent) & it’s okay!

I read an article today about a mother who missed the days when she did not yet have children. Some will say that is just a passing phase. Others that they would never, ever feel that way. I wondered how many of them had ever met a child, let alone raised one.

You will miss how it “used to be.” I’m not sure it will ever go away.

I was 25 when I met the munchkins. By 28, I had started to become a mother figure to them. By the time I turned 30, I’d become one of their mothers. If you ask them, they might say I was the only one they had left by that point.

It’s a funny feeling, slowly becoming a mom. I may not be a mother, but I am a mom. I hope that makes sense. It’s an emotional thing. Once it happened, once I, like the Velveteen Rabbit, became “real”? I couldn’t go back. I can’t stop being a mom. It’s always a part of me, whether there is a child next to me or not. A little piece of my mind that thinks, “I must remember to buy cereal for the kids’ breakfast tomorrow.”

So, please, don’t rush into it!

Once you’re a mom, that’s your new life. It is a wonderful life, if you want it, but you’ll have it forever. You needn’t give up the piece of you that is just you- not just yet.

Because, yes, of course I miss it! I like me now, too, sure. But I miss the old me. The one that didn’t worry about little ones. The one that used to be just the fun friend, then the fun aunt…then…something ill defined but so much more!

I guess I’m a little unusual in that I don’t really miss my early twenties. I mean, I wouldn’t want to go back. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the freedom. I do miss…the old me. Because I liked her. There’s nothing wrong with missing things!

I don’t care what myth you hear, you don’t go back.

I’m tired of hearing how “once my kids are teenagers, I’ll be able to chill.” No. No, you won’t. Teenagers aren’t LESS demanding than babies. Babies are honestly pretty easy. Your body will likely be exhausted, if you gave birth, and your nipples, if you breastfeed. But a baby just wants to be fed, changed, held, and put to bed. Teenagers? Trust me, they ask for a lot more than a bottle and clean underwear (fighting to make them WEAR clean underwear might be a real problem, though!).

I’m also tired of romanticizing having children young, especially before 18. 11 year olds have no business having children, and I will die on that hill!

Yes, don’t push it off forever. Some things you shouldn’t wait for, at least not too long. But what is “too” long is probably much less than you imagine.

Just remember that you’ll be able to enjoy this new “you” for the rest of your life. The rest of your life is plenty of time, I promise!

Thanks for listening 🙂


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