no, i don’t want your husband: an explanation of ethical non monogamy

Okay, he’s cute, sexy, whatever.

Have I thought about him? Maybe. I’m demisexual- in the sense that I need an emotional connection, even if it only exists in my silly little head-, so I may not have any interest in yours in particular. Besides, you’ll probably never know. Flirting is generally defined by intent– and I rarely have the intent. When I do, you’ll know.

Nor do I want something to happen! Truly, I don’t. Have I indulged in secret thoughts about (wo)men without permission? Of course. But only that. Mere fancies. Celebrities I’ll never meet. Friends I’d be embarrassed to have find out my taboo fantasies.

The thing is, and I know this likely baffles you because you cannot understand why I wouldn’t desire him- I don’t. I want him just the way I have him now, in a completely controlled way where I can combine him with all the best parts of Chris Hemsworth (dressed as Thor, naturally) and, I don’t know, all the other Marvel Chrises?

Stupid and pointless? Maybe. But I have fun with it, and it harms no one. I know him as a mythical creatures, not a person. I don’t want that. I don’t want real. That’s yours.

…no, I don’t actually want him.

Besides, suppose I did? Either he wants me, and I stop wanting him (because what girl wants to be the replacement?). Or he doesn’t, and he stops wanting me (as in he wants to stop talking to me altogether).

At best, he’s another ordinary, boring cheating husband/boyfriend/partner. Ugh.

You see, there are amazing, wonderful, ETHICALLY non monogamous men in the world. Who offer their partners brilliant, fascinating lives. Who I could only dream of being good enough for. They are the reason- well, them and the beautiful, pretty, sexy, magnetic women I see around me- I strive every day to make myself good enough. They are worth it. Your husband simply isn’t, well, not for me. Hopefully he is for you. (Don’t expect me to take him off your hands. I am not my ex metamour’s trashy new husband.)

So, no, I don’t want your husband. Not when I- and I apologize for this if it offends you- can do so, so much better!

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